Complete idiot!

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-25-2007
Complete idiot!
11
Sat, 08-07-2010 - 1:17pm

My turn for the chocolates!

OM has been on a two week vacation. Yuk! He couldn't have been more available and accomodating before he went and we had a good chat about some up and coming changes related to his job. I was worried he wouldn't be able to make us fit anymore within the changes, he told me to trust him and he would. He even made sure he had international roaming on his data plan so we could still email while he was holidaying with his family and in laws and since it was entirely his idea (I didn't mention a thing - I was soooo good!) I was more than chuffed!

He's contacted me almost every day of his vacation, never gone more than a day without a message, sometimes just a goodnight, sometimes a brief chat, sometimes a few messages through the day. Always chirpy, I was undemanding, respectful of the fact it must have been very hard with seven other relatives around 24/7, including his W. Then it all got to me. Urgh!! Last day of his vacation, I suddenly got the feeling that his messages were more about keeping me content, keeping the peace rather than because he missed me. Absolutely no idea why! He messaged me that morning and I replied and then after several hours of silence (pretty standard for vacation and I KNEW he would reply eventually) I got pi$$ed off. I'd had a very bad day and really missed him and sent an email along the lines of "I take it I wasn't supposed to bother replying!!" His relatively quick reply was to take it he has his phone off when he's in the pool. He wouldn't say why. I asked if it wasn't locked anymore (scared me a bit) and told him to just say the word if he'd rather I didn't contact him anymore. (Slight over reaction maybe) I then fired off an email in temper asking if he'd actually missed talking to me at all. I absolutely knew what the reply would be! "No I have been talking to you" and called me by one of our particular terms of endearment that we use when we are annoyed at each other.

I didn't reply. I was gutted. It brought back lots of memories of the times when he refused to acknowledge his feelings about me and I felt he'd dragged me back there. I thought I - we - were over all that crap.

Not heard from him today (he's travelling home)and I'm glad I haven't. Doubt I will until tomorrow, maybe Monday. Not tempted to contact him but them I rarely initiate contact. Wondering what's the point if he really didn't miss me :-/ If (when) he does contact me I feel like just telling him to erm ...go away. Too tired to play today. Too many serious issues in my life to spare the energy it took last night thinking about it all. I'm pretty sure he did miss me, why the f*** can't he just tell me he did and why does it even matter when I know he did, and will, if I disappeared on him!?! Why did I lose it on his last day away after weeks of being absolutely fine?!

More chocolates please ....gooey, sticky ones please

Bird

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iVillage Member
Registered: 04-11-2010
Mon, 08-09-2010 - 6:09am

Wow what an inspirational story Bird. That really had an effect on me. He obviously loves you. Isnt that interesting that he cant 'love' tw women at once. My AP said the exact same thing- although I know he doesnt love his wife. He said to me once 'Its hard for me to have two of you' which I initially found quite insulting but I understand what he meant.


Gosh you sound sad today Bird. I really do think your AP loves you but just will not be able to hold it together if he admits that. He is struggling to find a way to keep you in his life, let him have the to and fro he needs to make that happen. You have been through so much - you will get through this too xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx


Now passing the vino :)

You are what you consistently do
You are what you consistently do

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