Confused
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Confused
| Mon, 05-24-2004 - 10:09am |
I have been having an EMA for the last year. I am deeply in love with this man. We connect on so many levels and truly enjoy spending time with one another. He wants to marry me, but of course I am already married, with 2 kids. I care very much for my husband but, it's just not there. I don't feel one bit of happiness or passion with my husband. He's a good person, a great father, an excellent provider. He treats me with respect and kindness. So I am wracked with guilt over my EMA. The bottom line is, I don't want to be married to my husband anymore. I want to be friends, I just don't want him as my spouse. So my dilema is this, end my marriage of 14 years for true happiness, or give up the love of my life to maintain my family?

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Tough decision. You can leave and have your true happiness or stay and be miserable. I think alot of us, welll at least im in that spot. The advice ive gotten in here has been to either try and work it out or just to leave. It really isnt fair to anyone to stay if we are that unhappy. Now that said its also one of the hardest decisions to make whether to stay or go. heres a few questions for you. How does your OM feel about things? does he know how you feel and what your considering? if he were to say he wanted to end it would you still want the divorce? Just playing devils advocate. these are the questions i ask myself daily. anyways hope i helped a little bit
BIG-
As for your son (and my children) a friend once told me that children are born with what they need to get through life. We do our best as parents to support them and nurture them but they will still follow their own path regardless of what we do. Another thing this wise friend said to me is if you could wish anything for your children, what would it be? Happiness right? Ok, that being said, why should we deprive ourselves? In doing so, we teach our children not to follow their happiness but rather to settle for the opposite.
I feel like I could have written this post myself. I too am in an A with a MM whom I adore and *think* I love. I say think - because I'm not sure in the year or so that I've known him, I have gotten to know him as a person totally. Sometimes I just wonder, is it the fun, the S**, the excitement - the fact that i don't have to pick up his dirty underwear, I only get one side of him.
I too am very unhappy in my marriage - it's just not there anymore, and as hard as I try to get it back, it just doesn't come back. So, I struggle every day with do I stay for my kids (which, some days, I'm just a down right miserable B(*#(#*) or do I chance it and leave, and try to find more happiness inside myself..which inturns makes me a better Mom? or are they better off with a Mom and Dad in thier life 100% of the time? BTW - MM has no thoughts/plans that I know of to leave her for me.
yes, we do have a lot in common, except one thing, my A is single. He is miserable without me and has been asking me to end my marriage. It's not that I don't want to be with him, I do. I know he is the loml. I know we are meant to be together. It's just the comfort zone thing is holding me back. I am at a serious crossroads. Does your H know anything about your situation? Does he know you are unhappy? I too find myself not being the best Mom I could be for the same reasons. I think about it all the time. Could I change my attitude, accept my situation and go on? Or should I take steps to move forward without going through counseling? My H is a good man, he deserves to be happy. I wish nothing more for him than to find someone who would truly give him that. I am so on the fence and it's killing me.
I guess, you (we) need to figure out what's most important? Us or them?
I cannot tell you how relieved I am to hear that there is someone in the same situation I am. I have felt so alone these last couple of months. I am seeing a therapist and she says that it's really quite simple. By staying - I hurt and am not who I know I am, who I really want to be. This causes those around me to suffer in silence. If I leave, I will be happy and they will hurt (my H & kids) but eventually that will subside. So, what I really want is to end my marriage and move forward, rebuild my life. I just can't seem to summon the will power. Please stay in touch. Thank you!!!
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