confused

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-01-2003
confused
5
Tue, 01-20-2004 - 3:46pm
i have a lot going on. i have no idea how to put in in perspective.

1) happily married (no kids). (seriously!) we are best friends, make each other laugh, share same friends are always happy together. BUT

2) I have been married 4.5 years, and we've had sex just about that many times. SO

3) I meet OM, who I have no emotional connection to. met through a friend and as soon as we looked at eat other, i knew I was in trouble. and I was right. no sex yet, but I have a feeling that when i see him again there will be.

4) I also have a one night guy (ONG) that was realy incredible. Again, no sex, but he wants to see me again. I am stalling because OM is taking up all my thinking power.

how do i balance this? i don't really think about either when I am with the other... but when i'm alone i ache for OM. we talk online a lot, but finding time together can be tough.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
In reply to: newlywed_99
Tue, 01-20-2004 - 4:20pm
hey newlywed99 - welcome to the board sweetie! and can i ask why you are still married to someone you have sex with once a year! what's up with that? i see you say "happily married - seriously" but you're having an emotional affair with one guy and something else (i'm not entirely sure what) with "one night guy".

obviously you are confused about your marital life. sure sounds like your H is your best "girl" friend, not your lover. is this what you want? a fun, social, sexless M and As on the side to satisfy your lust?!

before you take any steps in the direction of other men, think about your M and why you've settled for so little with your H.

we're hear to listen and offer advice and support. i'm just not sure what you're "asking" for.

gurl

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-01-2003
In reply to: newlywed_99
Tue, 01-20-2004 - 4:25pm
okay. i hear what you are saying. but i came into the marriage thinking/knowing that I was going to have a life partner. the sex isn't THAT important. when it comes down to it, isn't it more important to have someone with whom you enjoy every moment, who values the same things you do... who supports you no matter what?

i'm not gonna find anyone else like that. i think he's got some stuff going on that once he comes to terms with he'll be okay. i was willing to wait it out. but over the past few weeks... that plan came crubling down around me with teh arrival of ONG adn OM.

i hear what you are saying, and appreciate it, i just wanted to calrify

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
In reply to: newlywed_99
Tue, 01-20-2004 - 4:33pm
and okay, i hear what you're saying, but i don't agree. sex is the glue (so to speak) that bonds a union and you can have everything else, but if there's no sex, the seams of your M will eventually come apart, as they are doing now with the arrival of OM and ONG. i'm not saying it doesn't work for you, just be honest that your M is not the end all and be all for you right now. your H has "issues" to work out, but it's been 4.5 years, not 4.5 months!!

i'm sorry, 99, i'm not making fun of your M or your dilemma. it's hard for me to understand a M with so little physical contact and intimacy surviving and prospering.

i still think you need to figure out why, after 4.5 years, you're drawn to two other men. and you are approaching sex with one or both of them. no judgments here, believe me. i just want you to be careful with your body AND your self-esteem!

gurl




Edited 2/17/2004 9:03:47 PM ET by gurlfriend50
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-01-2003
In reply to: newlywed_99
Tue, 01-20-2004 - 5:19pm
I guess what I really want is for someone to say that what I'm doing is okay... even thought I know in reality it isn't really.

trust me when i say that h and I have discussed our little problem, over and over. and over and over. he's even said more than once he's surprized i'm not having an A. if he asked, i'd probably tell the truth. I CAN'T leave him. my life would be over.

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-28-2003
In reply to: newlywed_99
Tue, 01-20-2004 - 8:46pm
HI 99

Maybe you should get IC to find out way you think your life would be over without H, It sounds like you have issues to work out just like H does, that could be the glue that is keeping you together.

Free