Confused

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-24-2008
Confused
2
Tue, 02-17-2009 - 9:11pm
I don't know...I know that going through a divorce can be hard, even if you know in your heart that it's what you want...I don't know if that's what MM is going through now or what. He was gone for 2 days at work last week, supposedly for an aunts funeral that his wife went with him to...I texted him all weekend and received nothing..he claims he did text me and wanted to know why I wasn't answering, which I don't know if it's true or not..today was the first time I've really talked with him. This morning, he was later to work than usual ( says he's having to pick up his cousins boyfriend from work in the morning now before he goes to work) and when I texted him and asked where he was, he responded a half hour later saying he was "fighting with her"...he acted a nervous when we were talking in my vehicle and said he would like a little time to straighten out his head, but didn't want me to take it the wrong way. He said he was still in love with me. I asked if he wanted to take off early from work, which we did and I asked if he wanted to go back to his place..and to my suprise he said ok...I really didn't think he still had the apartment..I thought he had moved back home...well, we had a good time :) and he told me that they had really been talking about a lot of things...he said that she told him that he wasn't moving back in there and he said he told her he didn't expect to...said he told her he wasn't giving her money out of his next check because he had to pay his rent..mentioned that his Dad is helping him to find an attorney ( he has to get one from out of town because his wife works at the courthouse in town)...says he just can't wait to get all of this done..but yet at the same time, the texts aren't as frequent at night like they have been...I asked if he told her exactly why he moved out and he said that he's sure she knows, but he's not coming right out and admitting it's because he wants to be with me...says he's telling her things "a little at a time" because he doesn't want to dump everything on her at once...he knows that it will crush her to know that he is leaving her for someone else and not just because he doesn't feel like the marriage isnt working anymore...I don't know..part of me is fuming because it's like, just fricking tell her and get it over with, whats the big deal, then part of me knows that I have to let him handle things the way he thinks is best. He says that she keeps telling him that I'm lying to him?? The woman doesn't even know me so I don't know what she means by that. I do kind of wonder if he doubts me...he says he doesnt, but I wonder if he's afraid if he goes through with the divorce and I change my mind, he will be alone and I think being alone is difficult for him...I just don't know...I guess I will just go along with things and see what happens...in the mean time I am not giving up anything in my life until I know for damn sure he files and goes through with it.
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-02-2007
In reply to: gabby4ever2
Tue, 02-17-2009 - 10:28pm

Don't know your whole story but I know what he's going through.

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-24-2008
In reply to: gabby4ever2
Tue, 02-17-2009 - 10:43pm
Thanks, peachy...yeah, I understand the emotions that are dealt with. I've been divorced before also. I guess what upsets me is the fact that this is the 5th time he has left her...the longest being one month.. You think he would be used to the emotions involved by now. I know that he is no longer in love with her and doesn't love her like a husband should love his wife, but at the same time, I know he does not hate her and doesn't like seeing her hurt. Another thing is, I know a lot of the things he tells me ( although they are small things) are lies, but I know why he is doing it because he doesn't want to hurt or scare me off while he is going through this. I did put my foot down this last time and told him that I will not leave my marriage and disrupt anything in my life until he proves to me he can file and go through with the divorce and I know he is struggling with that. I also suspect that some people are telling him that he's a fool for doing it that way but he's the one who has burned me all the other times by bailing out after I had turned my life upside down by almost losing everything. I just can't take that chance again, no matter how much I love him. I have to protect myself and if living in a passionless marriage ( on my part) is what I have to end up doing, at least I still have everything I've worked for in the last 15 years....