Confused Affair Life
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Confused Affair Life
| Thu, 08-21-2008 - 2:15pm |
I just found this site yesterday and have been reading through many of the post.
| Thu, 08-21-2008 - 2:15pm |
I just found this site yesterday and have been reading through many of the post.
LT xxx
Glitter Graphics
Hi and welcome to the board.
There is a list of abbreviations down in the humour me section you can refer to.
I'm not sure I can answer your question as to how you cope. I am separated from my H and in love with a MM. While I was with H and developing feelings for AP, I found it hard to be in both a M and an A. But things with H weren't good and we were practically only roommates when AP and I started seeing each other.
There are some on this board that balance out the two, I'm fairly certain I couldn't be one of them. You need to ask yourself if you can manage both and if you can also manage what will happen if/when there is a d-day (discovery day). Are you prepared to lose H or both over it? If the answer is no, regarding H and your M, then you need to work on your M and let AP go, as hard as that might be.
Pisces
Hi, and welcome to the board. IMO, that desperation to see each other - almost an addiction - istems from all the insecurities of being in an A. It dies down as you feel more secure. (But the desire and passion doesn't.) I used to feel that way about BF (was AP). It was also in part because I was waiting for the other shoe to drop - you know. One day he would wake up and realize all he was risking for me, and decide it wasn't worth it. So I lived in constant fear that our A would just end one day, so I needed to see him, talk to him, every day to get the reassurance that it wouldn't.
Then one day I had an epiphany - it doesn't make a difference whether I get the reassurance or not. He'll decide what he decides whether I obsess over seeing him or not. So I gradually calmed myself down. Now, if I don't hear from him for three hours, I don't wonder why. I just realize that, well, he's probably busy - er, working maybe?
And I know how much he loves me - he tells me every day. He tells me he's said "I love you" more in the last six months than he said in the last 22 years (to stbxW). Knowing that he loves me, and having faith in our relationship, is what got me from obsessive-need-to-see-him to blissfully happy.
As to how you manage a relationship that has no future? No idea on that one. I couldn't do it. I left my H just two months into my A. AP left his W shortly after that. I'm now D, he is in the process. If our R didn't have a future, I couldn't have stayed in it - I remember the confusion about where things would go when he was still M - I couldn't have lived like that for long.