Confused and Clear at the same time...

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-22-2004
Confused and Clear at the same time...
4
Tue, 05-18-2004 - 5:41pm
Have had contact with MM yesterday. He emailed to say that he saw me at the school play. It made me happy- yet I realized I was putting myself back on the roller coaster. We emailed quite a bit yesterday and then he called me in the afternoon and we talked for 40 mins. This is the thing that makes me wonder about this R yet also makes everything so clear. I think this is the jist of our R: We are either friends that enjoy each and maybe deep down think about the next step..... Or we just enjoy each other and can see that this is the way things will always be because nothing can ever amount to anything more. It's one of the two or a mixture. Remember we have not ever had IC or oral. Kissing and hugging- that's it. I still have the train of thought however that I must be of value ( not sure if this is the word I am looking for) to MM; otherwise this all would have ended. He made two indirect references to me yesterday about health; and since they were indirect ( very) I did not acknowledge. I did not want to get into anything heavy. Maybe he is slowly testing himself to find out a little more? Who knows- I am totally speculating here and sometimes tell myself what I want to hear. But isn't that human nature? Anyhow, he said twice when we ending our conversation that he likes talking with me and as long as he got to me to smile he was glad. Maybe he thinks that's what I want to hear (which WAS very nice) or maybe he thinks his task is to truly make me smile; meaning he wants to- it brings him happiness to know he makes me happy or smile; whatever... As someone posted in a different thread, and I feel described much more eloquently- it's like a closeness that we are sharing, something that we have, and maybe it's OURS and not something that we each share with our spouses.



So, again, I think I am a friend to him. Maybe special in a certain way , maybe fill a void that W does not??? Again who knows. I will take it for what it is. I won't get bummed out if emails are not daily ( I can do this I hope).



I am trying to work on M as well, but I am unsure I want to search for this. I know MM is not an option to replace my H, but my M was bad long before MM came along. And yes, it doesn't help me concentrate on M when MM is still in my head and heart.....



Keeping my head half an eye-ball above water I guess......

hmmmm..... we'll see. I asked to get together for lunch on Friday as I am taking 1/2 day vacation.

We'll see what he says.... Keep your fingers crossed everyone!!!




Edited 5/18/2004 8:58 pm ET ET by vles64

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-16-2004
Tue, 05-18-2004 - 10:58pm
VLES

I don't know how long you have known MM. I know in my situation we started out as email buddies at work and this progressed for four months, then it moved to phone calls for another month, then it was meeting each other for short walks and talks for another five months before finally, 10 months after meeting, we were intimate with each other. I think it started out slow for us because we truly enjoyed getting to know one another and becoming friends (and falling in love feels "oh so good!") but also because of the fear of moving into "forbidden" territory. I think if you and your MM have a connection, it will inevitably continue to deepen to a point where neither of you can resist the temptation to be together intimately. It's all a part of human nature and falling in love. If this is not what you want it is best to leave him alone now, because I know first hand...there does come a point of no return.

Brin

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-22-2004
Wed, 05-19-2004 - 8:37am
Bring-

MM and I have known each other for since about Jan; however our kids have been on the same sports team for over a year. Somehow MM and I just got to talking one day and well there you go. MM and I have been on six 'dates' since mid-March. Emails used to be a daily thing but have really settled down now. And I have been a little more of the aggressor in this. (I am 39 and M for 11 yrs, 2 kids; he 34 and M for 10 yrs, 4 kids.)

I wonder what he truly ever thinks about being intimate in the future or if the 'cyber-sex' is what he's comfortable with. We do enjoy each other on a respectful level I feel but I just don't really know what he thinks this R is; if anything. I can tell you that I believe his W does not know we have gotten together.

If I need to wait, I will try to... I don't want to lose the friendship; he means a lot to me. Someday I'll have the guts to maybe open up dialogue about 'us'. We have never talked in that way. And who knows- maybe in his mind there is no 'us'- we're just friends with potential benefits?

Visitor (not verified)
anonymous user
Wed, 05-19-2004 - 8:39am
vles

It seems we are all in these EMA's for different reasons. You seem to be in it for an emotional reason. MM and I were intimate almost immediately (a month maybe) and I suppose the emotional part developed from there. So I can see how in your relationship, from what i've read, the dynamics could be one of a close friendship. Once MM and I kissed,we had to have each other in an intimate way. Now with me, that makes me feel a lot closer to him and would change the relationship from friendly to something with a much deeper conection. I'm not saying that YOU or anyone else can't feel that deep connection WITHOUT sex, I'm just saying for me it seems like there is a definite change in a relationship that moves on to the intimate stage. I'm sure everyone can agree with that.

So Yeah I would say that you two are very good friends who have decided not to move onto the next stage. You have however built a foundation for a relationship that would be a complete package if you take that next step. If you feel you can't and wont', then it will be what it is, a great friendship with hopes for something more.

Gee I don't know if I got my point across...having a bit of trouble with the thought process this morning!

dd

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-22-2004
Wed, 05-19-2004 - 8:56am
As usual- I agree with you. And I need to accept this R for what it is. (Ok, I need to look in the mirror a hundred times, no a thousand times a day when I say this...One day I will believe myself). I would love to take this to the next step. MM is the hesitent (thus the moral and level -headed one I guess...)in this. If he were to want to truly cross the line and become intimate- I would. Which now reminds me that on our first date, he made mention that once he 'started he could not stop' that was when my hand was on his inner thigh and he had his hand down around my butt in a booth at a restaurant. He had a look on his face as if he knew he was in dangerous territory with his own temptation. Kudos for him I guess that he was the wiser of us.

Anyhow- yes, friends and maybe only a touch more... Hurts me to write that but it is what I believe it is. I am just hoping he accepts my lunch invite for this friday. I worded it very casual as I would with anyone else so....