Confused and hurting

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-26-2009
Confused and hurting
94
Wed, 04-01-2009 - 3:02pm
This is my second post on this website and I decided this time I would give more information.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-07-2009
Sun, 04-26-2009 - 12:56pm

"Sometimes I feel like he will do this and I could have my happily ever after.

maystone
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-18-2009
Sun, 04-26-2009 - 1:00pm

Jen,


I read this entire thread of posts last night and again this morning. You have been on my mind ever since. Because, like a few other posters here, I have been in your shoes.


Your story sounds so similar to mine...my heart is breaking for you because I remember the pain so well. I'm no longer in my A. It's actually been over for a few years and I have a much different perspective on all of it now.


But like you, I was M. w/ young children, having an A. with an older man (15 yrs) with whom I worked. We were colleagues first, then friends, then APs for about 2 years. His children were grown and out of the house--totally independent with their own lives and families. His W. never worked outside of the home so his situation was very different.

Don't hold to anger, hurt or pain. They steal your energy and keep you from love.       ~Anonymous
 &nb

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-07-2009
Sun, 04-26-2009 - 11:47pm

Hs... thanks for sharing.

maystone
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-26-2009
Mon, 04-27-2009 - 12:22am
Hs-I have to say reading your story makes me cry it hits so close to home.
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-18-2009
Mon, 04-27-2009 - 12:50am

Maystone, maybe I shouldn't post to this board because I'm not actively in my A. any longer.

Don't hold to anger, hurt or pain. They steal your energy and keep you from love.       ~Anonymous
 &nb

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-18-2009
Mon, 04-27-2009 - 1:58am

Jen, Maybe you are dating my XAP because the conversations you are having sure do sound like deja vu to me ;)


I'm so sorry if my post made you cry. I think I know how you're feeling right now and I wouldn't want to make your pain any worse. For the record, I didn't have anyone to talk to about it either. My sisters listened initially but like your friends, they stopped trying to understand after awhile. It can be pretty lonely so I am glad you're here. I didn't know about these boards six years ago.


I wasn't so strong as you think. I had many set backs along the way. I just have the benefit of time on my side now. Cliched but true--time does heal most wounds.


I wish I could give you the magic answer that would help you immediately decide what your course of action (or inaction) should be.

Don't hold to anger, hurt or pain. They steal your energy and keep you from love.       ~Anonymous
 &nb

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-14-2009
Mon, 04-27-2009 - 2:04am

Jen, Maystone, and HS:


I am sitting here speechless.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-18-2009
Mon, 04-27-2009 - 2:27am

Passionate,


I am really going to bed after this post or I will be a zombie tomorrow at work.


Wow...you said some things that hit home.


"Climb the mountain".. My xAP and I always said that staring a life together would be like climbing a mountain. He even gave me two pair of shoelaces--for the two pair of hiking boots we would need to do it hand in hand.


Don't admire my strength...I'm still hiking after four years. But I do believe we are stronger than they are. And I do feel good about where my life is right now.


My H. sounds a lot like yours--he didn't have any outside interests, no guy friends.. I often encouraged him to develop some. I think any relationship is richer when you can be independent, and then share the things you are passionate about with your partner. Makes you a more interesting partner, I think.


He, too, is a nice guy that my family loved (still does). We had a comfortable life, and a nice house. Heck, I thought I was crazy for giving it up a few times. In this economy, I've often thought I'd be better off still married :)


You aren't crazy for wanting more. And if he is that nice, you can hopefully forge a friendly and different kind of partnership with him after divorce.


I did. It was really hard at first, but today, my xH and I get along very well. We don't have any family close by so we really are co-parenting our children. 50/50 custody and we sit together at teacher conferences, school events, and even spend Christmas Day and other holidays together. Of course, that would be very different if my AP was in my life.


The good news is, children can go through divorce and come out emotionally intact. Mine are. My neighbor just said to me tonight, "you are so lucky that you and your XH get along so well. Your kids seem so happy."


And they are. We commited to that for their sake. It's the thing that I worried the most about before the divorce, like you.


So I hope that helps you move forward. Your son will be okay because it sounds like he has two great parents.


Hugs...and wine is my favorite beverage. Red. Very dry.


Don't hold to anger, hurt or pain. They steal your energy and keep you from love.       ~Anonymous
 &nb

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-26-2009
Mon, 04-27-2009 - 11:08am
Someone told me when I was going through my divorce to never feel guilty about wanting to be happy.
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-14-2009
Mon, 04-27-2009 - 11:45am

Good morning ladies...............Happy Monday! Ha ha..... :)


HS:

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