confused (sex affair)

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-16-2003
confused (sex affair)
8
Mon, 03-08-2004 - 10:46am
well MM and I had some time Sat. night. But his wife got out of work early and they were gonna meet somewhere. But he wanted to spend some time with me.. He said he HAD to!! I'm sooo confused.. I know I started a thread about this last week, but I"m still confused..lol..

while doing the deed, he's telling me that he doesn't want to have sex with his wife anymore all he wants is me. (I know in the heat of passion, you say anything, but he keeps on saying it)!! He says he thinks about me ALL the time and he has to take care of himself like 2-3 times a day!! (if ya know what I mean).. He says these things without being in the heat of passion too!! He calls one of my body parts his and his is mine!! He said we have a lot in common in what we want.. meaning sexually..

while we were driving back, his wife called on his cell phone and at the end of conversation she said I love you and he said I love you too.. then after he hung up he goes "right" like rriight (you know what I mean).. and says but all I think of is you!!!

I don't know why he said that, maybe he was embarressed he had to say I love you too with me being there.. but I know he must love her.. so why did he said that.. it's not like we love each other.. just sex right? or is it more? and that's his way of saying? I have no idea.. I'm confused.. I'm getting a little vibe that he feels more, but I just don't know..

I can't help but keep trying to analize this.. I know I should just enjoy everything we do, but I think of him constinalty and can't stop.. I know it's gonna hurt if we ever stopped!! But he said he wants to keep this going forever..LOL.. I said fine with me..LOL

it's been a little over a year now..

so what do you all think???? help me..lol

chrissluver

Gina
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-21-2004
Mon, 03-08-2004 - 11:05am

hey chris -- honey, you are progressing very fast in this R/A from "just sex" to emotional intimacy with MM and he with you.

CL-Gurlfriend50

Co-CL of My Affair Support Board

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-16-2003
Mon, 03-08-2004 - 11:17am
I don't want a future with him, I don't think he wants one with me, but while doing things, he's like WE should've gotton married..lol.. I don't think he wants a future with me.. he never said anything.. But when I'm not with him, I'm thinking about him sexually and kinda emotionally.. like missing him and how he used to make me laugh soo hard at work..

does it sound like he has a little feeling for me than just sex? it IS confusing...............................................................

Gina
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-03-2004
Mon, 03-08-2004 - 12:07pm
Chris, it's sounding more and more like that's what you want. I think it's easy to confuse physical passion for love because it just FEELS SOOOOOOOO GOOD. Especially for a guy -- he's thinking 'man this is the best sex i've ever had it must be love.' Now -- that's not true for all guys, but I think men (as a general rule) have more difficulty seperating physical gratification from emotional gratification. He's saying things he feels, without realizing that you may be thinking something different. Just my opinion -- but I'd just let it ride for awhile and see where it goes. Don't expect too much, especially if he really does still love W. Just protect your heart, honey.
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-21-2004
Mon, 03-08-2004 - 12:09pm

hey chris -- of course he has "feelings" for you or he wouldn't be saying that you two should have been married, etc.

CL-Gurlfriend50

Co-CL of My Affair Support Board

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-14-2004
Mon, 03-08-2004 - 1:23pm
I understand what you're saying, but I have to disagree. Most men I know have no problem separating sex from emotions. Sometimes to a fault.

I think based on the things that are being said by this MM, he is gaining some level of excitement from saying them. Does that mean he does or doesn't have feelings for you? I honestly don't know. But I wouldn't assume that he loves you based on this. He absolutely cares for you though. That's obvious in the fact that he tried to cover up the "I love you too" to his wife.

I agree with the other people here, try to keep your own emotions in check and try to enjoy it for what it is. If it progresses down the road, you can deal with that then.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-16-2003
Mon, 03-08-2004 - 1:59pm
Thanks everyone for your opionions.. Kinda made me come to my sences.. I did think that he said all of those things out of excitement.. It is exciting for each of us to say things. It's just after I think about everything and wonder what he means..lol It's very hard to concentrate on my marriage when I'm thinking of him..

chrissluver

Gina
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-24-2003
Mon, 03-08-2004 - 2:54pm
Sorry, couldn't help but respond to this one. I am afraid you are wrong. I would say the vast majority of us would never equate sex with love. If it's sex only, no matter how mind-blowing - then it's all there is for us. Having sex does not equal making love - lovemaking is emotional closeness before anything else. As far as saying things in the heat of passion - I am definitely guilty of that but I most certainly mean what I say and there is nothing in what I say "in passion" that I wouldn't be able to repeat to her when I get my senses back.
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-03-2004
Mon, 03-08-2004 - 3:02pm
To Boston and Omaha... thank you guys for your response. Unfortunately, my personal experience has been different (not that it's all that vast). I'd rather believe it's wrong and it's nice to know there are some guys who think/behave differently. Thanks for the input. I will digest it.