Excellent advice. Gosh, I've missed you guys. A while back someone posted that this group was making her overthink her EMA so she was taking some time back, so I decided to do the same. It did seem to help but I'm in a place right now where I'm thinking about it all the time anyway. I forgot how nice it was to see others in the same situation as me...and it seems like there are more people than ever. It's good to know I'm not the only one whose MM has to go away for a while to come back stronger than ever... Some elements of what you all are posting are straight from my life!
Gurl, I forgot to mention that last night my H came much quicker than normal. I'm thinking...what the hell is going on...LOL! Anyway, I asked my H about it and asked why that happens sometimes, and he said, look, you are damn sexy and your body is so hard and tight you almost squeeze me to death, then he went on to say it happens to guys if it has been a while, which I know it was for SG. And I had been giving him a bj for a while and he seemed to be in ecstacy about that. So I'm thinking I need to give myself more credit than I am. I'm thinking he is not even thinking about me and it may be that he is laying in bed every night just dreaming of it, but he is so afraid and so stubborn. It makes me feel better anyway, C :-)
Just a little piece of advice... If ever there comes a time when H or anyone else is getting suspicious and you have to lie, don't tell SG. It's obvious he can't handle it. Of course, you never know these things until it's too late. MM called me on the phone and basically had one-sided phone sex with me about a month ago and it totally freaked him out afterward. I think he felt very exposed and vulnerable and he realized he could get hurt here. Also that we're treading on dangerous ground... I think it's natural for men. They are WUSSES when it comes to romance. In my experience, it's best to contact them tentatively at first -- kinda like sticking your toe in the water to see how cold it is. If you get no response or a response that indicates he still needs time, take that toe right back out. But if he responds kindly, just keep going that way, keeping it friendly until you feel he's ready. MM does this crap all the time and I've found as long as I tread gently, I can still keep in contact with him during these times when he's going through whatever. Otherwise, I may end up not hearing from him at all while he deals. Let him know that you're willing to give him his space. A lot of it is going to depend on how he reacts and there's no way to predict that. I usually go in with this HUGE plan of how I'm going to act, but it never goes the way I think it will. Never!
i'm gonna start referring to you as "guaranteed" girl!
on the scenarios for premature performances -- your H is right on (as well he should be since he's a man with a penis!). if you and SG were engaged in plenty of foreplay before the deed, he would indeed be unable to wait unless he has superhuman mind powers like counting sheep or baseballs statistics to keep from thinking about your hard body and how beautiful you are and how lucky he was to just be near you, much less, in you!!
still, he's playing scared and confused. you know, he may just be thinking "why am i chasing after a married woman, when i can have any available single girl?" but as i've been told and know for a fact, we don't always choose the "right" person to be attracted to, do we??
and damn skippy your SG is laying in bed at night (if he's alone, sometimes when he's not alone too!) thinking about you and engaging in his fantasy life! you should feel fine because you are apparently the "bomb" to more than one man in your life.
be patient. SG has alot of stuff floating around in his head. leave him the simple, nice b-day greeting and see what he does. if he responds, great, you can take it from there. if he doesn't, you still have the "event" to discuss which gives you one more shot at contact with SG. take it slow right now and see what "builds up".
Another thing I thought of... I knew a married man who was having a mostly emotional A with a married woman. He kept trying to call it off and they'd go weeks with NC, but he was on her joke e-mail list. She'd be constantly sending him those e-mails and when he was ready to get back with her, he'd reply. Of course, that R ended in disaster, but it stuck with me. It's a passive-aggressive sort of way to get them back in your life if they've been out of touch for a while. It probably would only work if they're on your joke e-mail list when things were going well and you just left them on there... And it probably only works if the other people on your list KNOW you two are friends. Both H and MM are on my friend list, which is kinda funny. But H knows he's a friend of mine...
Thanks gurl for making me laugh...I needed that. I kind of like being "guarantee" girl. You give great advice. I'm taking it. I'll let you know what happens next week. I don't like to brag but I recently lost 25 pounds, work out 5 days per week and have sculpted my body, I also sprang for a boob job, so I look great right now. When SG told me I looked better than the playmates, that was a BIG compliment...he's gorgeous and much younger (immature though). He keeps saying that he hates how guys fall all over me and he is not that way. He can keep saying that all he wants, he was with me wasn't he?! C
Thanks lilah, that is good advice. In fact, I have done just that. I don't tell SG anything. He knew that night because he saw my H car. I like your advice about starting slowly with them. I guess I have done that. I went slow right after and just chit chatted. He responded that he was still freaked so I have backed off for 2 weeks now. I will start slowly again on his b-day and see how it goes. Thanks, C
It's a deal geek chic, sometimes I think we just get into this "poor me" mode and we forget that they are fantasizing about us. Man, I wish we could read their simple minds...LOL. SG has always told me he doesn't have much sex, I thought it was a lie, but it appeared that he was being honest. How are things going with your SG? C
Pages
Excellent advice. Gosh, I've missed you guys. A while back someone posted that this group was making her overthink her EMA so she was taking some time back, so I decided to do the same. It did seem to help but I'm in a place right now where I'm thinking about it all the time anyway. I forgot how nice it was to see others in the same situation as me...and it seems like there are more people than ever. It's good to know I'm not the only one whose MM has to go away for a while to come back stronger than ever... Some elements of what you all are posting are straight from my life!
on the scenarios for premature performances -- your H is right on (as well he should be since he's a man with a penis!). if you and SG were engaged in plenty of foreplay before the deed, he would indeed be unable to wait unless he has superhuman mind powers like counting sheep or baseballs statistics to keep from thinking about your hard body and how beautiful you are and how lucky he was to just be near you, much less, in you!!
still, he's playing scared and confused. you know, he may just be thinking "why am i chasing after a married woman, when i can have any available single girl?" but as i've been told and know for a fact, we don't always choose the "right" person to be attracted to, do we??
and damn skippy your SG is laying in bed at night (if he's alone, sometimes when he's not alone too!) thinking about you and engaging in his fantasy life! you should feel fine because you are apparently the "bomb" to more than one man in your life.
be patient. SG has alot of stuff floating around in his head. leave him the simple, nice b-day greeting and see what he does. if he responds, great, you can take it from there. if he doesn't, you still have the "event" to discuss which gives you one more shot at contact with SG. take it slow right now and see what "builds up".
gurl
Edited 3/10/2004 3:43 pm ET ET by geek_chic
Edited 3/10/2004 3:44 pm ET ET by geek_chic
Pages