A is consistent- but I'm up and down...

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-11-2010
A is consistent- but I'm up and down...
7
Mon, 07-05-2010 - 11:51pm

So I have nothing new to report about A. He texts and calls (only about once or twice a day and nothing on weekends) but its consistent.


He says nice things (nothing lovey dovey like before his guilt set in - but its consistent).


We try to meet every week or 2 but havent for 3 weeks (school holidays, work pressures and other stuff- no dramas there).


So if nothing is wrong with the A- it feels steady and ongoing- why am I so unhappy? I constantly obsess about whats going on 'why hasnt he texted yet' etc, and I have

You are what you consistently do
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-11-2010
Mon, 07-05-2010 - 11:53pm
Oh and I must say I often think about ending it, but I would miss him and I would second guess my decision for years!!!
You are what you consistently do
You are what you consistently do
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2010

I think it is hard to NOT feel disappointed and worried in an A.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-11-2010

Very true Jane


I am worried about the hysterectomy- worried about how long it will take to recover and how low I may get during that time.


But yes like you the A was great fun at the start. Lots of attention and romance. Now its still plugging along quite well in reality (nothing like it was but still steady and fun in

You are what you consistently do
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-05-2010

Hi IGS


I hope your op goes well, when is it?


Can AP visit you in Hospital? Your inavailability whilst in care may trigger his need to stay in contact and be passionate again

Life is too Short ... A. since Mar 29th 2009

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-29-2010

Hi IGS
Hugs!
Jane said it so well. It seems like As are so intense and passionate at first. They are all you think about and even just thinking about your AP makes you start smiling at your special secret. Then they inevitably seem to die down a bit and for many of us (myself included), guilt sets in with the man (sometimes women but it seems often the men). It's great that he's still in such regular contact with you, but I can understand why that would seem to fall a little short given what you were used to before. I still get dirty texts and also sweet texts from my AP, but now it's a couple times per week. Before he suddenly got hit with guilt around the time of his anniversary, which led to him pulling back for about a month, he texted me multiple times every day. After the guilt, he almost completely stopped but now he is working his way back, but still it's only a couple times per week and it hurts! It's taken some getting used to.

So I think the nature of the A changing is very normal. When you think about it, that happens in RL relationships too. It goes from that intense, totally worth it, I can't stop thinking about it, everything is so great feeling, to what is he thinking, where is this going, why isn't he texting me, insert your obsessive thought here.

You are very right that it's all about readjusting your expectations and decided what you can live with and what you can't. There's no set way to go about that really. Think about what you're realistically going to get from your AP and your A. Try not to let yourself fantasize or daydream because that can only make reality even lamer. Keep yourself grounded, think about what you want, and think about what you can handle. If the A is more pain than pleasure, than it might be time to end it. But if you can handle the pain and push it to the side, then you can enjoy the pleasure and take it as it goes.

Right now I am enjoying what I get and taking it as it goes. But it's been incredibly difficult to adjust my expectations, especially after being absolutely adored 24/7 by him for the first couple months. Reality bites!

Good luck IGS!

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-11-2010

Thanks all


Yes today was an up day- he was home all day so he texted endlessly. It was mostly sexting but apparently he has booked a restaurant for lunch for my birthday next week.


I still dont feel great resolution though. So today was great, tomorrow may be nothing. Its the up and down that causes me so much anxiety. But Im too weak to end it so I'll limp along and enjoy it for what it is.


Happy- my op is 28 July. My AP wont be able to visit-xx he just couldnt do anything that risky/ or something that cut so close to my real life. It stresses him beyond belief!


Im worried about my recovery period- that I'll be sitting here with little to distract me-

You are what you consistently do
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-05-2010
Thu, 07-08-2010 - 11:21pm

Just make sure you keep a laptop close by at all times and MAS sisters will keep you distracted...


I saw you posted on EAS too, it is hard sitting on the fence. Maybe seclusion will help you come to a decision, they reckon

Life is too Short ... A. since Mar 29th 2009