Constant angst
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| Mon, 09-01-2003 - 5:55pm |
for a loooong time! Have read hundreds of postings today, but haven't run across
anything exactly like this (though it may be out there) and hoping people will
counsel/witness to me. :)
Have been involved in an EMA for almost a year now. Phone calls and used to be emails.
We "mutually" (a little more him than me) ended it about 6 months ago. Eleven days
later he called (I NEVER expected to hear from him again). At first the phone calls
came about every 3 days, but it is back to daily, sometimes twice a day. He never
emails anymore and I miss those alot. When we broke it off, I changed email accounts
because it was just too sad to see that same screen with no email from him. Turns out
he had emailed me during those eleven days and the email was returned. I have never
asked him why he no longer emails, thinking it is because he figures that is more
dangerous....someone stumbling across it.
My main question, I guess. How DO these things end?? When we "broke up" it was because
of guilt. And, nothing physical has happened--not even a kiss. Though he alludes to
the possiblity sometimes and the chemistry is certainly there. (An overused word, but
the only one that I can think of right now). I go through such angst about this.
Thinking almost daily that we have to end it, but then remembering how awful those
11 days were--how much I missed him. It was just awful. There is no talk of either of
us leaving our spouses, no talk of love. Just phone conversations that are sometimes
friendly, sometimes fun, sometimes serious, (almost) always great.
I am always expecting him to end it again, but he always calls again. Though I have not
heard from him this weekend. That is fairly normal for weekends, but I would have
loved for him to want to talk to me SO badly, he just HAD to call. Guess I am hoping
kindred souls will write and tell me this is all so normal.
This board is going to be wonderful. I had one friend very far away that I could
confide in. She helped me alot during those awful days, but when it started up again,
she became very disgusted with me and insisted I go for counseling. I didn't go,
because I know what I am doing.
Thanks.

I'm pretty sure there are a couple of ladies on board that while not the same situation... a little similar... although if I'm right on who they are... they probably lurk more often these days.
I have not yet needed to go through no contact with MM... the only long periods we go through with nothing is not by choice... but by need. When he is on holidays with his wife and family or when my H is on holidays... contact is too risky and it's best to leave it to none or very very minimal.
As for how it ends... I'm sure there is plenty of ladies who have been in that ending position for it not to end... and they will be around somewhere.
You've found the right place... so feel free to vent, cry and even laugh with us.
luv and hugs
Sweet
Sweet
Co-Community Leader My
do you really? do you really know what you are doing?
I ask that because *I* can't really tell what you're doing, from what you posted! That's not a criticism, it's just how I'm trying to understand your post. You say you're in constant angst, which doesn't sound like fun at all. So why are you putting yourself through that?
And what would ease the angst? NC or physical contact? If you two have never even been physical, is it the pang of "what might have been" that causes you to worry, wonder and feel like you don't know what to do? Or is that you feel like you *should* end it but aren't sure you can?
Either way, it's up to you. And until you know what YOU want, you're just going to keep getting what HE wants... and right now, he just wants to call you. Is that enough?
Welcome to the board. And good luck!
lily