Constant angst

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-01-2003
Constant angst
2
Mon, 09-01-2003 - 5:55pm
It was great to find this message board today. I could have used something like this

for a loooong time! Have read hundreds of postings today, but haven't run across

anything exactly like this (though it may be out there) and hoping people will

counsel/witness to me. :)

Have been involved in an EMA for almost a year now. Phone calls and used to be emails.

We "mutually" (a little more him than me) ended it about 6 months ago. Eleven days

later he called (I NEVER expected to hear from him again). At first the phone calls

came about every 3 days, but it is back to daily, sometimes twice a day. He never

emails anymore and I miss those alot. When we broke it off, I changed email accounts

because it was just too sad to see that same screen with no email from him. Turns out

he had emailed me during those eleven days and the email was returned. I have never

asked him why he no longer emails, thinking it is because he figures that is more

dangerous....someone stumbling across it.

My main question, I guess. How DO these things end?? When we "broke up" it was because

of guilt. And, nothing physical has happened--not even a kiss. Though he alludes to

the possiblity sometimes and the chemistry is certainly there. (An overused word, but

the only one that I can think of right now). I go through such angst about this.

Thinking almost daily that we have to end it, but then remembering how awful those

11 days were--how much I missed him. It was just awful. There is no talk of either of

us leaving our spouses, no talk of love. Just phone conversations that are sometimes

friendly, sometimes fun, sometimes serious, (almost) always great.

I am always expecting him to end it again, but he always calls again. Though I have not

heard from him this weekend. That is fairly normal for weekends, but I would have

loved for him to want to talk to me SO badly, he just HAD to call. Guess I am hoping

kindred souls will write and tell me this is all so normal.

This board is going to be wonderful. I had one friend very far away that I could

confide in. She helped me alot during those awful days, but when it started up again,

she became very disgusted with me and insisted I go for counseling. I didn't go,

because I know what I am doing.

Thanks.

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-24-2003
In reply to: iseeking
Mon, 09-01-2003 - 6:27pm
Hi iseeking and welcome to the board.

I'm pretty sure there are a couple of ladies on board that while not the same situation... a little similar... although if I'm right on who they are... they probably lurk more often these days.

I have not yet needed to go through no contact with MM... the only long periods we go through with nothing is not by choice... but by need. When he is on holidays with his wife and family or when my H is on holidays... contact is too risky and it's best to leave it to none or very very minimal.

As for how it ends... I'm sure there is plenty of ladies who have been in that ending position for it not to end... and they will be around somewhere.

You've found the right place... so feel free to vent, cry and even laugh with us.

luv and hugs

Sweet

Sweet
Co-Community Leader My

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
In reply to: iseeking
Mon, 09-01-2003 - 7:14pm
hi iseeking...

do you really? do you really know what you are doing?

I ask that because *I* can't really tell what you're doing, from what you posted! That's not a criticism, it's just how I'm trying to understand your post. You say you're in constant angst, which doesn't sound like fun at all. So why are you putting yourself through that?

And what would ease the angst? NC or physical contact? If you two have never even been physical, is it the pang of "what might have been" that causes you to worry, wonder and feel like you don't know what to do? Or is that you feel like you *should* end it but aren't sure you can?

Either way, it's up to you. And until you know what YOU want, you're just going to keep getting what HE wants... and right now, he just wants to call you. Is that enough?

Welcome to the board. And good luck!

lily