Contacting AP's GF/FWB

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-14-2007
Contacting AP's GF/FWB
7
Tue, 11-03-2009 - 4:48pm

I feel like I'm going crazy today.

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-09-2008
Tue, 11-03-2009 - 5:38pm

Hi Torn,


Take it from me, I btdt, was in your shoes not too long ago... quick background:

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-21-2009
Tue, 11-03-2009 - 7:05pm

Maybe you could just pick up the phone and without complicated manipulations just call her and ask her honestly what is going on. Yes, it will backfire because most likely he's lying to you, she is his LIG and has no idea he is fooling around, and as soon as he'll find out you called, he'll run back home to fix things and to maintain status quo and will drop you like hot potato.

At some point, you have to ask yourself, what are holding on to. You can't ignore those huge red flags just for the sake of keeping this relationship. If it's not going anywhere, then the smartest thing is to find out as soon as possible. Then, when you'll have facts, you'll be able to make decisions.

Good luck with everything,
GbG


**Bloodied but unbowed**
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-24-2009
Tue, 11-03-2009 - 7:23pm

...and so what if all of this blows up in your face and he finds out about the fake email account and everything else?

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-14-2007
Tue, 11-03-2009 - 7:35pm

I hate to say it, but you are likely correct.

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-14-2007
Tue, 11-03-2009 - 7:50pm

Hi gone,


Thanks.

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-09-2009
Tue, 11-03-2009 - 8:56pm

TAG, I know you have been through every scenario in your head and none of them play out in a good light. If hes lying and she is the LIG, then you have to face his deception. If she is a FWB and he finds out, you may have shot yourself in the foot and maybe ruined things for the future. You are in a no-win situ.

All I can think of is showing up on the doorstep with something like a letter or something innocuous that you can pretend to deliver to him when you know he is not home but she is. Make casual conversation with her handing it over such as "Oh are you the GF?" and hear her response. Alternatively, call the house and pretend you are a salesperson for a phone comapny or something lame like that too. If she responds that she is the housemate or friend, youre in the clear. If she says GF, then she is openly stating to a stranger that they are together. There doesnt seem to be any other way of getting the truth but from the horses mouth. The only thing you have to be careful with is that you are either not found out or if you are found to have contacted her, its in a seemingly innocent fashion that will not make your BF angry for you to do the deed.

I wish there were an easier option for you to find out the truth as you really deserve to know where you stand.

Good luck.

SB.

Que Sera Sera - Whatever will be, will be.
Que Sera Sera - Whatever will be, will be.
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-28-2004
Wed, 11-04-2009 - 8:59pm

Hi torn,


I agree with many of the ideas on here. I like lost saying you could set up the profile but then you said she doesnt really get on those.


Anotherfive said why waste the energy which she also has a point. Sometimes stated that you could call like you are a salesperson. that is a very good idea. You may have to use a payphone or something. But do you have the home number? Or you could go there like you are delivering something but that could definitely backfire.


This is hard to deal with. I'm not sure what is the best route because it was also stated that if she is just a FWB and you are found to be snooping that it could ruin the future for this R. I dont know why I just stated what everybody else has. lol I'm at a loss.


Maybe you could just try to make it to the timeline and not even try figuring out who she is. I know that's hard because that would drive me nuts. I feel nuts sometimes because AP is M. If he doesnt take action as far as his situation goes then he can get the boot. Definitely easier said then done.


I've been on the verge