Contemplating affair
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Contemplating affair
| Sat, 03-27-2004 - 7:13pm |
OK--I met this married guy a few months ago. We had an instant connection--from the second we met it was obvious we just really liked each other's personality. Since we were working together at the time, we saw each other all the time. We'd always get sidetracked from work and start discussing life, histories, stuff. I noticed he was flirting with me. He's great, and if he were single, I'd be with him. But he's married, and has kids. Yet we talk all the time, and more and more, I feel like all I have to do is give him a clear signal and he'd take it to the next level. I know that it has no future. But I have never met anyone before with whom I've clicked so effortlessly and with whom I have so much in common. I love hanging out with him. I know he enjoys hanging out with me too. How do I get over this? Is there such a thing as a harmless affair?

No, there is no such thing as a harmless affair.
Run, Run as fast as you can! Do not get involved!. Your heart will be broken otherwise.
Just my two-cents.
Red
PS In case you haven't noticed - my heart is broken - and I am married!
Well, as a wise woman who has been single +10 yrs, I have this to say: The greater question for you is Why? Why are you even considering this man? Are you feeling lonely? Is your life not working somewhere else? It's probably more about your own needs than anything to do with him. YES, speaking from experience, one of you, both of you, or three of you at least will get hurt. Most likely, if you're a nice person and you are both discreet, it's you who will be heart-broken sometime someday. If you're not careful, you'll be hurting a lot of people and creating a lot of issues between you and this guy that might hamper your future happiness. I think the big thing is what do you want out of it? Good sex? -- Is he your best choice? A fun relationship? -- It's not fun to wish you could talk to him right now but you can't because he's home with his wife. (And PS - they ALL say they aren't getting any at home and it's RARELY true!) Do you just want someone to love you and make you feel special? -- You're a big girl. You know that has to start in your own mind and heart before you can attract it in the world outside of you. I read a good book, "The Cult of the Born Again Virgin" - it sort of talks about healing yourself. some of it is a little nutty, but overall, it describes what you seem to be saying between the lines. I wish you happiness, whatever you decide.
I am married, in an affair and more miserable than I've ever been in my life. Please don't do this to yourself.
The only way it could ever be harmless is if you could have one where no emotions are ever involved...
Read the posts here...and then weigh your decision carefully...
My MM is older, and his kids are out of the house...I'm single...
He made the choice to begin this...and it's become more than he ever bargained for...more than I ever bargained for...
Guilt is a powerful emotion...one I wrestle with constantly...
If we're discovered I'll bounce back...
His life will be the one that will be most affected if he's ever "caught"...
His wife will be hurt...
His kids will lose respect for a father they love deeply...that's the part I think that I worry the most about...
There's a possibility that he will lose his business...
Thinks about what you can and cannot handle where this is concerned...
Just my 2c...
Very good advice, but did I listen? No, because like you I was in love, in lust, and seduced by the drama and excitement I knew an affair would bring.
All I have to say now is...it HURTS. A lot. Every day. It's frustrating, heartbreaking, and an endless cycle of ecstacy/pain, ecstacy/pain.
Spare yourself, please. But I know you won't. By the time one puts up a "contemplating affair" post, one is usually already hooked.
Just my .02
Whatever you choose, I wish you much happiness.
:)
Circe