Continuation of previous post

Community Leader
Registered: 06-08-2010
Continuation of previous post
Fri, 07-23-2010 - 1:27am
I was not able to post a reply to the original discussion of "he's not that into me" because that link would not work using my iPhone.
So...here is my response. Jane, why am I falling in love with him? Well, why DO people fall in love? Emotions
run wild. And when there is a PA, it is much harder for
us women to avoid those tricky emotions. I am keeping the emotions in check, however. My AP has not ever been involved in a serious R, so this is all new to him. He is not mean, not an a**hole, and I know that even if he says he isn't attracted to me, it is his way of protecting himself. I am not beating myself up about it. This is an A, not RL, right? I know by his actions that he is attracted. He doesn't have to say the words - though it would be nice to hear them, I can't force him to say them. And Jane, we did have a talk. It wasn't as deep as I would have liked it to be, but I always stand my ground - I do not allow him to get away with
saying something that bothers me. We have very good communication with
each other. We have a strong friendship. And I don't read too much into it. I have learned to just savor the special moments and to think positively and not live in regret. I will never regret having this A and have learned a TON from it. I am still me, and happy to be so. Doing some soul searching, too - trying to pinpoint the reasons for beginning the A (want to check out the book "When Good People Have Affairs" - it is at the library, bur I don't want to bring it home and risk H finding it) Believe it or not, 4 years ago I started a Masters program in Professional Counseling, in the hopes I could be a marriage/family
therapist. Me, counseling couples? Ha. Part of me thinks that is so absurd. But, I truly believe that everything happens for a reason. Maybe, someday, I can really show genuine empathy to someone who is
in a similar situation as mine.
Another, as I said before, my AP is not a mean person - those
things he says to me about not being attracted I take with a grain of salt. I don't obsess over it. He has really
been making more of the contact lately - for example, I left for a weekend trip this afternoon. I saw him before i left - we said our "goodbyes" and I thought that was he last contact until Monday. As I was driving, I get
a text from him saying "have a safe trip." yes, he cares, and yes, he is attracted. I agree with you all that amazing sex cannot be done without serious attraction for
the other. I am willing to be patient for the spoken word.
Oh, and BTW, Lexi, he did NOT have that talk
with Nicole. I personally think she is a smokescreen and he is really guarding his heart
from the risks love requires!