Control Freak MM

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-10-2004
Control Freak MM
11
Mon, 05-10-2004 - 9:22pm
First, let me begin to say that I have been having an affair with my MM for 14 YEARS! WE are both married and have kids. His kids are all in college!!! We used to work together that is how we met! He never picks up a phone to call me unless I have left him messages to call me!! EEKK! As you can tell by reading this, that I am probably a moron for putting up with this man who dictates to me. This relationship is extremely one-sided, he sees me when he can; this is what he tells me. Tells me when I tell him that it should be 2 sided, he responds with...well that a choice you made. Basically, I have been extremely patient with him. Waiting to hear from him, (never), waiting to see him, (when it's convenient). This is not a normal (affair) relationship. He even said to me "define relationship"!! When he is with me, man does he tell me that I am the best, how much he loves it, etc. But you would think that if you are so busy and can't get the time to see me, wouldn't you just pick up a phone! Please read the other messages that I wrote! Controling freak is what he is. Can anyone give me any advice on how to deal with such an a**hole who is a control freak!

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iVillage Member
Registered: 08-31-2003
Mon, 05-10-2004 - 10:03pm
Dump his sorry ass!!
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-01-2004
Tue, 05-11-2004 - 12:17am
my advice ---

give him a taste of his own medicine ---

K

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-10-2004
Tue, 05-11-2004 - 6:43am
I have tried but you see like so many on this board I read how many times your MM calls you A DAY! Sees you during the week! I don't get that at all. He feels that it would be comitting to this relationship. I believe that by him doing this is his way of keeping it the way he likes. When we worked together I saw him everything, intimate once a week. Now, it's every month or two or three!!! Without any calls initiated by him. I tried not calling him for a long time then when I do and when we get into an argument he blames me for calling him alot..? I can't win at all! There are times, that I want revenge! but don't have the guts to do it. I guess my best bet here is to take it as a lost pack the 14 years I had away, and walk. He just doesn't care.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-04-2004
Tue, 05-11-2004 - 9:39am
"Define relationship" ?

Tell Bill Clinton to take a hike.

Fourteen years you've put up with this? Why? He isn't a control freak, dear. A control freak would be telling you what to do, trying to control the situation and making sure he knows where you are and what you're doing so that he would feel like you were under his thumb. This guy is just a jackass.

I just cannot imagine why you'd put up with this. I'm not trying to be cruel when I say this, but I think you might consider some sort of counseling for yourself. To remain in this long term pseudo-relationship with no future, no rewards and no respect hints that you may have some issues you would find it helpful to discuss. This is not an affair. It's a convenient fling for him at best.

Good luck.

rain

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-31-2004
Tue, 05-11-2004 - 9:42am
I agree...ask yourself - why do I allow this man to treat me this way? Don't you think you desearve better?
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-23-2004
Tue, 05-11-2004 - 9:52am
Sweetie, it's lasted 14 years. Now you know why.

**Terri**

Visitor (not verified)
anonymous user
Tue, 05-11-2004 - 10:26am
Meadow

I have almost the same thing. My mm is an executive who is very busy so I make that his excuse. I have always been the one to do the initiating from day one. We have only been together 7 mos and I am not sure I could deal with this setup for 14 years but never say never I always say! I've seen several of your posts this morning and it does seem like a game to him. I have not gotten to the point where I just wait and wait for him to call me. I always call. It might not be for a week but I do call. Normally I get his vm but this morning I called (part business part personal) and he picked up right away. I hadn't called him since last Wed. We had a great coversation him appologizing (again) because he has been so busy. My message here is when you get sick and tired of being sick and tired you will do something about it. I'm not at that point, I enjoy the relationship so even if he is a busy man I want to be understanding since his W isn't. Of course that is what I say THIS week! LOL

dd

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-09-2003
Tue, 05-11-2004 - 10:52am
Hi Deedee, I'm like you with the busy executive type. Only my A was going on for over 2 years now. At first, we would talk alot, he initiated the contact. But lately it seems like it has to be me initiating the contact. And for the last few weeks although I've tried to get ahold of him, I'm getting nothing. Then if the pattern continues like it has in the past, he will get ahold of me again (someday) and just say "sorry, I was really busy and crazy at work" or "I was sick" or something to that effect. And I will accept that, and we will move on. Maybe I am crazy to put up with this, but it is a physical relationship between us, and if I didn't have him, I would have nothing. And I'm not willing to look for another person, because I only want to be with him in that way. So I guess we make our beds, we have to lie in them. Take care ladies (and gentlemen)

Dusty
xxxx
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-02-2004
Tue, 05-11-2004 - 11:19am
(((Meadow)))First let me say that we are all here to support you in any way that we can. This cannot be easy for you, and I cannot imagine going through this rollercoaster for 14 years.

I notice that you wrote that when he is with you he says that he "loves it". Is "it" the A? Does he love you? After 14 years I would hope that he would have some feelings for you beyond just wanting to be physical with you. Have you ever discussed your feelings for one another?

It sounds like he is taking you for granted, and is expecting you to be there for him whenever and whereever he needs you. What about your needs and feelings? It does sound one-sided, and after 14 years, you deserve much better than that.

I hope everything works out for you, whatever you decide to do.

((hugs))

Circe

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-10-2004
Tue, 05-11-2004 - 11:46am
Thank you for your advice. Well, when he is with me. He loves it (sex), that I am the best. He loves looking into my eyes, loves kissing me. How I make him feel. He loves that I take full control in bed. Blows his mind. Made a comment that I could have anyone. He told me over that phone once that he gets lost in me. Another time he mentioned that he keeps coming back.

As for his feelings, he keeps telling me that he doesn't feel the same way as I do. I have told him that I love him but don't expect to jeopardize his life nor mine. I know that after 14 years, there is more to this than he lets on. I think it a mind game that he plays. Telling me that his feelings are not the same but still comes around.

I don't know...I am tired of trying to anaylze his comments. Just tell me. If you don't share the same feelings then why stay in this relationship for 14 years. I think he takes me for an idiot.

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