controlling emotions

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-18-2003
controlling emotions
6
Wed, 03-03-2004 - 8:22am
Has anyone figured out how to control your emotions?OM and I stated it would be just sex from the beginning.He is tough and doesn't show emotions much.He grew up in foster care and on the streets.That will give you an idea of how he's tough.

the sex is mind blowing for both of us.But I want to care for him and be there.I guess my heart got in it too much and I'd like to be his woman.I don't se that happening on his end though.

He did show some emotion last night that surprised me.His sister's fiance called here late 2 nights ago.He was livid when he found out.He said I don't him enough to know what he's about.He was trying to talk to you.It came off as jealousy,which surprised me.

Sometimes when we steal a moment together.Instead of hands all over me.He holds me gently then he'll catch himself.Do you know what I mean by that.

He has been staying with us so we can steal moments.Last week I was sitting in his lap.He told me I can't offer you anything.He's trying to get back on his feet good.I told him I'm not worried about that right now.Mr tough guy can't have a woman unless he can support her properly.He told me I want you to take care of me like you do Leonard/H.Then when I try to he backs away.I think he might have some feelings for me and this scares him.Any input guys?

He's asleep not 10 feet away from me in a sexy tank.I wish I could go over there now.We were just together at 1 AM.

Renee

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-28-2004
Wed, 03-03-2004 - 10:17am
my OM is the same way - not a "tough guy" but won't show emotion towards me - I finally just asked him "do you like what we have together?" and he said "yes" - that was it. He does reach over and grab my hand sometimes and that is soooo nice and last week I finally got him to just hold me for a few minutes and it was so gentle and loving - but otherwise - nothing.

It does sound like he is scared - I am trying to take my own advice here too and that is I am trying to not try "so hard" to get him to have feelings for me - I think if I back off a little then he comes to me which shows that he's thinking of me...make sense? It's different b/c you are in the same house - it must be nice to have him so close though!

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-17-2004
Wed, 03-03-2004 - 10:25am
Never.. It is a rollercoaster from day one.. I posted this once before.. one day its good.. the next day something is wrong.. I have been involved in an EMA (my first one) for 1 1/2 years and its always been up and down.. It is just part of the package..

Sometimes its me.. othertimes it him.. You just have to learn to either "deal" with it or not...I hope this helps....it took me a long time to realize this..And believe me.. It's not easy!!! I hope this helps....

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-21-2004
Wed, 03-03-2004 - 10:39am

hey renee -- welcome to the board!


your OM certainly has a lot of pride doesn't he?!

CL-Gurlfriend50

Co-CL of My Affair Support Board

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-14-2004
Wed, 03-03-2004 - 11:17am
I'm sorry, I'm going to disagree with this sentiment. I think it is a mistake to get involved in anything other than a physical relationship with this man. I will never understand why women are emotionally attracted to a man who offers them nothing. Whatever this man's background, he is an adult and if he is unable to show feelings and emotions now, he never will fully be able to. So keep having sex with him if you wish, but try to keep your feelings in check, because odds are this man will never be there for you on an emotional level. Believe me, men do exist who care about your feelings and will show you theirs. I know, I'm one of them.
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-21-2004
Wed, 03-03-2004 - 11:24am

hey omaha -- i agree with you and i think that's what i said too.

CL-Gurlfriend50

Co-CL of My Affair Support Board

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-16-2003
Wed, 03-03-2004 - 11:44am
I don't think this guy is going to open up anytime soon. I can understand why you are trying to get him to open up - its a challenge to you. I can tell you from experience better be prepared for dissapointments if you are expecting him to change his ways. Some people just don't emote well and never will, its a learned behavior. From his past it looks like he cannot do much in the emotions and feelings department. I would keep my emotions in check with him not expect way too much in terms of real emotions from him. I will say this much though - love can change a lot of people and may be he will if he does fall in love with you. Good Luck!

PS: My expeirence has been that even when these men open up its really not to the leve that you expect. I should know this - trust me - I have been living with this man for 8 yrs now.


Edited 3/3/2004 11:57:07 AM ET by julietsfate