Controversial, even for this board?
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| Sat, 01-10-2009 - 11:25pm |
Ok, so here is my story.
My husband and I have a great relationship. We trust each other, love eachother. I have never gotten along with anyone as well as I do with him. That being said, we are young and progressive and decided to try swinging.
I found another couple in Nov. and we met had a good time.
I stay at home with our three kids during the day and work nights when h gets home. The guy from the other couple stays at home with his three kids and works at night when his w gets home. So we would talk during the day and we got along very well. He began telling me his w and him mweren't doing well. We'd talk for hours about anything and everything. After a short amount of times, it became clear we were developing feelings. When the four of us would get together, for us it was just about him and i.
We talked about leaving our spouses. One morning he asked me if I wanted him to get me pregnant. I laughed and said no (that'd be 7 between the two of us!) He said he was hoping for a different answer, I thought he was insane.
THE NEXT DAY - I find out I'm pregnant. It has to be his, I know it is, I know it with my body and soul. I told him and he said he wanted to be with me. I was hesitant because he and I work part time with our spouses being the "bread winners"

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only your AP can tell you what really happened. and since he is MIA, you will probably have to come to terms with never getting the full story. as far as guesses? in order of probability -
1) DW said she would take him back and support him if he went NC with you
2) DW didn't take him back but he looked at his earnings and realized he can't pay child support
3) he lied to you about everything
4) he is desperately ill
5) he was abducted by aliens
sorry, had to throw in the aliens for a little humor. you may need it.
Mrs.
Wow that's quite a situation you have gotten yourself into. Will H stay if the baby is AP's? The only thing that I can think of is either A. AP thought he knew what he wanted, and changed his mind once he really got it. B. He was lying the whole time, or C. The W has threatened to withdraw financial support if he doesn't leave you alone.
All of which suck bigtime. I can't stand people who play w/ other peoples minds, saying one thing, and doing another. I guess you will just have to wait for AP to contact you, and see what he has to say for himself.
Whatever happens I hope that it works out well for you, and is a decision you can live w/. Good Luck!
Oh my what a mess!
As has been said, things have changed in some way in his world and the only way you'll know what exactly happened is to wait for him to tell you.
I think you should make your own decisions about your life without the possibility of him being in it - he seems to have made that part clear.
Also, although you swear that you know the baby is your AP's, if you were having sex with both men then you really DON'T know, and won't until you can have tests done. Before the baby is born you should decide, with your H's help, what you will do in either case. If the baby is NOT former AP's, and he hasn't contacted you by that time, I would not bother to try. If the baby IS his, then you're allowed child support and you should get it (unless your H would rather not have it. That's a possibility). As for a relationship between former AP and his child, that is totally up to him. There's no law that would force him into one. Your H might prefer just raising the child as his own, etc. - those are all things that have to be worked out ahead of time with your H.
Are you and H considering some sort of counseling? It would help to have an objective third party help you both to sort out all the issues in front of you at this point.
Some would say that I fell from grace... but I didn't.
You've got a lot of choices. I
I think you hit the nail right on the head with your first guess. I bet she did take him back and he said, well I need to eat so that's it.
At this point I feel kind of stupid for trusting one word he said to me when I knew he was lying to her the whole time, but that's the name of the game, right?
Thanks for your insight and humor. On days when I feel particularly sad, I will pretend he was abducted by aliens....
H does not want to know whose baby it is. When I thought the other guy would be around, I said we would find out for his sake. If he's going to be gone, we will not find out.
The funny part is this:
My h is 5'4'' 200lbs brown eyes/hair. AP is 6'6'' 150lbs black hair/ blue eyes. I have a feeling we won't need a test..........
His w has done things like that so I thought it might be a possibility, but everytime she has, he has found a way to contact me.
The more I think about it the more I realize that I'm probably insane for almost giving up what I have for him. Even if he did make me feel things I haven't felt in years, those things are fleeting and possibly not even real.
It
You're right; I don't know for sure whose it is. This is going to sound messed up but here's what happened. H and I used condoms almost everytime we were together because I am not on bc. When I was with AP we couldn't use condoms because, frankly, (and forgive me if this is TMI) he was just too big, even for the big ones. So during what I thought were my fertile times, I used spermicide inserts which have a 26% failure rate, but using nothing has an 86% failure rate, so I figured the numbers were still in my favor. And that is why I feel the baby is APs.
But stranger things have happened I suppose.
I sent AP a text after my post yesterday saying I wasn't sure what happened and why we weren't speaking now. I told him if this is what he wanted, I'd respect it, but I asked that he not try to contact me again because I can't handle doing this everytime his mind changes.
H and I will raise the baby as ours and I will make no further contact nor seek child support. Even though it hurts SO damn much, I know this is the best way, and I hope he doesn't contact me. He is blocked on all social sites (myspace/facebook) and I am looking into changing my number, just to be safe.
this is off the topic but:
<<>>
Regular condoms can fit just about anything. Testing How Big a Condom Can Be. - Video. Magnums were marketed just for the thought of it.
Never believe that lie again.
Good luck with your situation. Truth will always be best if it concerns a child IMO.
Yeah, about that....
I was there, we tried using a condom, Magnum. It cut off the blood supply. I saw it with my own eyes, it was not a lie.
There's a difference between "can" fit and "does" fit. I "can" fit my fat ass into a size 8 jeans. Is it comfortable, no. Could I imagine trying to maintain an erection while squeezing into a pair of size 8 jeans, hell no. I'll stick to my 14s...
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