Coping with being the OW/OM

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-03-2009
Coping with being the OW/OM
4
Thu, 04-01-2010 - 10:24am

I had an A about 12 years ago.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-31-2010
Thu, 04-01-2010 - 10:55am
good morning. i havent done a lot of reading on here yet to know your story or whatever...but i know after 9 years for me, i still cant cope with it. well, i guess i shouldnt say that i cant cope with it...but everyday, i wish that i could be more important than i am. i know i cant be and he knows too but that doesnt make it any easier. hugs to you. ive found that sometimes the sadder times outweigh the happier ones but i will take the sad times over "no times" anyday.
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-20-2010
Thu, 04-01-2010 - 1:07pm

Oh_my_my,

MM here. Cope with it? I don't. Actually, I do cope with it; usually by staying up all night and wondering what the heck she really wants from me anyway. Read the "Can it be too normal?" thread from me.

It's doubly hard for me, because as a male, I kind of think that people would expect that I would be kind of nonchalant about the whole thing. I really can, however, identify many of the women here on MAS. I know that I am not a priority for her and parts of me understands why very clearly. I don't think her H is a priority for her either; her son and her work are currently front and center. I don't often feel jealous of her H, but I do wish I was the one she was coming home to. Perhaps I am a priority for her, in what ever way she can let me be right now.

So, I am the OM ( even though M ) and it sucks for me too. I would love to spend a weekend with my AP, go on a trip, or just sit around the house being quiet, but present, in each other's lives. Since I am still M, I tend to cope by spending time with my W and son, but my AP is never far from my thoughts. I send her IM's here and there, and she usually responds fairly quickly, which is nice. Those simple exchanges help get me through the weekend. I can't even begin to tell you how happy I get when my phone rings and I see her number on my caller ID.

Being the OW/OM is probably great for some people, but boy, it ain't easy for me.

MPV




Edited 4/1/2010 3:56 pm ET by malepov
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-31-2010
Thu, 04-01-2010 - 1:28pm

Being the OW was very hard for me too.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-30-2010
Thu, 04-01-2010 - 3:18pm

Oh_my_my


I don't know if we will ever get use to the fact of being the OW/OM. I'm M and my AP isn't but he lives with someone and they own a house together so to me there is some type of committment there. He says they are not together and I do believe him but I will never know for sure. Our time together is very limited so its hard for me to say if he puts me in the back burner but I put him in the back burner all the time

 


Much peace & Love,


Rayne


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