counting down the days

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-13-2002
counting down the days
6
Thu, 08-21-2003 - 7:32pm
Me and MM been off this week, it's been hard. Four days until i speak to him again, yes i'm counting. I miss him so much, and i hope he misses me too. Does anyone else feels like this when you're away? I haven't seen him in almost three weeks and will only see him next week, and i just can't wait. But the time waiting is killing, and i just hope that time won't distance him away from me...

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-29-2003
Thu, 08-21-2003 - 8:16pm
Hey there, I hear you!

Although I'm the one

that is M, basically

I'm the OW to my OM's

work. Which works well

in our situation, but I

do miss him terribly.

I haven't seen him since

the 4th of August, but

that's because we had ended

our EMA... (Long story) but

I think we're working it out.

Hugs, hang in there! ~passion
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-24-2003
Thu, 08-21-2003 - 8:29pm
Oh, yeah. I know where you're coming from. Not too long after OM and I started out together, about a month, we had our vacations back to back (we work together) and I went almost 3 weeks without seeing him. The first couple of days and the last couple of days were the worst. I missed him terribly. The rest of the time, the stuff in my marriage was coming to a head and I was concentrating fully on that so that I would make the wisest decisions I could. Otherwise, I'm sure I would have missed him a whole lot more than I did during the middle 2 weeks.

I think, because of the timing of this separation, the adage 'abscence makes the heart grow fonder' really did come true in my instance. Hopefully it will work that way for you, too. OM and I enjoyed a wonderful and tender reunion and our relationship has just grown so very much more serious. I believe it's because of that time apart when we were each off on vacations with our 'others' (me with my H and he with his g/f). Those vacations of ours really allowed us to examine what is going on at our homes as well as what we mean to each other.

But it was soooo hard some days!!! Even now, I hate our days off. We work together and because we're such a good team at work, our boss has unofficially gotten us to share districts and because of that, we're not allowed to take time off at the same time. So we see each other on Wednesdays and weekends. He has off M-Tu and I have off Th-F. But, we email and I call him.

I just reminded myself that single people who are 'real' couples frequently only see each other a couple of times a week and they exist quite well between dates with just a phone call or two, maybe an email or two. I think I'm allowing the very nature of the affair and the inherent insecurities within it to get the better of me if I can't see him everyday and be 'assured' of his love for me.

So, I decided I was being childish and immature and to not obsess so much over him on my days off. To get on with my life, enjoy the daily phone call and the emails, but go on living happily by myself until I see him again.

I'll let you know when this new attitude works. LOL!!

{{HUGS}} I know it's hard....I'll be thinking of you!

Lucky

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-13-2002
Thu, 08-21-2003 - 10:50pm
I just started thinking truly about this and can't help feeling resentment towards MM simply because he won't call me on my cell phone when he's off. I mean i'm not feeling the respect because, am i not part of his life once he takes time away from work anymore? Should i be feeling this way towards him? I do love him i still have my own self-respect...Can i just be erased from his life for a whole week and then when he comes back put back on and everything just goes back to the way it was, just like that? What do you all think?
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-24-2003
Fri, 08-22-2003 - 2:58am
That's a tough question to answer, Luizinha. By the very definition of affair, your relationship is kept somewhat secret. Certainly it is from his wife, right? So if he's off on vacation with her - or off on his days off when she's also around - then it's kind of tricky to call you without risking everything. He may be thinking of you 24/7, but just not able to call you. I'm the married one in my A and all phone calls originate from me at a time that's convenient for me when I am out of the house or am absolutely certain that H won't be home during the conversation. That's damned difficult to manage some days, because H is unemployed and home. Does MM's wife work out of the house or is she a housewife? This would make a big difference as to how easily he could call you.

And, as I mentioned in my earlier post, if you were both single, were dating but not yet living together, would you see each other each and every single day? Would you talk to each other each and every single day? I never did in my previous relationships, although my best friend insisted on it from her boyfriends. So everyone's different in how much they need contact. If your dating history is such that you liked to speak with your boyfriends every day and you're not getting that in this relationship, then I think it's at least reasonable to bring it up with MM and see what you can work out. If, on the other hand, in previous relationships you did frequently go a day or two without talking to your SO, then I think it's reasonable to cut MM some slack and let him not worry about the risk of calling you on his days off.

Having NC on days off is not, in and of itself, a sign of disrespect. Due to the nature of affairs, I think we do have to bend some rules we normally have in other relationships. BUT, if you are feeling like this is just 'one more proof' of his lack of caring for you, then trust your instincts and talk to the man.

Hope I've helped. {{HUGS}}

Lucky

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-13-2002
Fri, 08-22-2003 - 7:05am
I will talk to him about this because it bothers me. We are both off this week, but when i was off two weeks ago and he wasn't i did call him at least three times that week and emailed as well. But i'll make sure to bring out this issue on our next conversation but i at the same time i think i shouldn't, because it wll give me the feeling that i have crossed the line and want too much. He always tells me not to push him, he wants this A to progress slowly, this is the first time in both our lifes we do something like this.
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-23-2003
Sun, 08-24-2003 - 2:21pm
I have the exact same problem. When he is at work we communicate (emails & phone calls)quite well, but when he is at home I don't hear from him and it aggravates the hell out of me. Then he wonders why come monday I have issues, lol. I tell him too that just because he's at home I shouldn't seize to exist, but then his answer is he couldn't get away. It makes you wonder why the hell can't he call? Why even if he has the time won't he call?

I try to just understand. don't get me wrong I don't like it at all, but then I have to remember he is married with kids. I'll still continue to be annoyed and frustrated when on sat or sun he doesn't call or even email. I do make sure to tell him how much it bothers me, but sometimes, it seems I'm talking to myself cause come the minute he is home. It starts qgain, but unfortunately, this all comes with the relationship. Remember, it's hard for a person to struggle with multiple things. A wife, kids and a mistress. Aarrrggg!!

Hang in there.