Couples and children...

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-20-2003
Couples and children...
8
Tue, 12-16-2003 - 12:48pm
I honestly dont see why couples stay together for the sake of the kids!! My parents stayed together for the sake of the kids, and it sucked. I saw my parents in an unhappy marrige and to me thats a sad thing. I would rather want them to be apart and happy with themselves and the choices they make in life, rather then SETTLE for the sake of pleasing us. Theres something to be said for living life on your own terms.
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-30-2003
Tue, 12-16-2003 - 1:07pm

Well, some of us figure the grass looks greener on the other side but it really isn't. Think all the troubles of single parenting with a$$holes to date, I rather be married and deal with a known devil. Plus think of the children - they are getting the best from both parents. I see a lot of posts about how a parent made them weird or

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-20-2003
Tue, 12-16-2003 - 1:17pm
Well in my experiance...I dont feel I benefited either way from my parents staying together. I know both my paretns love me and they would love me even if they were apart. I would rather see my parents apart and happy, then together an unhappy. Sure I would have been sad for while seeing them breakup, but in the long run I would respect them more for having enough guts to move on and hopefully find a more fulfilling relationship.
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-21-2003
Wed, 12-17-2003 - 6:28am
There are alot of things to consider that would dirrectly affect the children, for instance, if I left my H I would not be able as a single parent to provide a few of the extras that my kids want. Also they would miss the time they share with him.

I was a child whose parents divorced, so for me its been a decision as to what I want for my children. As long as the situation does not cause pain for them,I will try to stay as long as I can, for their happiness, so they have easy access to both parents, who love them very much.

 Seeburg    

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-22-2003
Wed, 12-17-2003 - 8:23am
Personally, I think if a couple stays together "for the children's sake" are doing a diservice to them and themselves. I also believe that a home where parents fight and yell at each other all the time is a bad influence to them, boys grow up thinking this is the way it is supposed to be, girls can grow up thinking all men are abusive like their fathers. This is in an extreme situation, I am refering to. If a couple stay together for the children and they really don't love each other, but don't Hate each other either and can be civil with each other, then it Is the best for the children. What I am getting at, if a Man tells his OW he is staying for the children, he is staying with his wife because he does still care enough for her NOT to leave. He knows financially it will be difficult for him. If the marriage "relationship" is over per-say, and he is financially well off enough to leave to be with his "other woman" he probably WILL leave his wife for her. I can give an example of my own MM's former BIL. He left his SIL for his other woman, over a year ago. but he is financially well to do, a Dentist, to be exact left his wife for his dental assistant to be exact. His wife got to keep her 750,000 home and also gets a tidy sum for child support. I know this cos my MM told me this. My MM's wife babysits for her sister, and gets $300 a week, so no wonder she wouldn't get a "real job". So consequently I hardly ever get to see him cos either I'm working or she is home and not babysitting! My MM has no children, with either first wife or present wife.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Wed, 12-17-2003 - 8:54am
I don't think it's that simple of a conclusion.

My parents are now divorced but were together until I was 18 or 19. At that point, as an adult, I dealt with it much better than when I was younger.

I think couples resign themselves to divorce much quicker than not. Couples/parents can work things out if both have the same goals in mind. When the partners are not working together and are not focused on the marriage, I agree, there's not a real point to it.

I think if people spend more time on fixing what is wrong in their marriage and less time with the "quick fix" of the affair, maybe, just maybe they could find a way to have a better home life for themselves and their children.

Just my opinion.

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-27-2003
Wed, 12-17-2003 - 11:26am
srose...you are absolutely right...I am going through this at the moment (trying to work on my marriage and coming to the realization that I can't do it while I am involved with someone else....duh, I know). In short, I've put myself in one messy and confusing situation.

I think many problems can be worked out, and if they can be, they should be (for the sake of the children as well as out of respect for your spouse and the marriage itself).


Charlotte

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-03-2003
Wed, 12-17-2003 - 1:05pm
Well, my parents broke up and I'm screwed up anyway. I think either way your kids will have issues, it's just about minimizing the damage.
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-30-2003
Wed, 12-17-2003 - 2:19pm
Yeah and hope they won't be using us as an excuse to insult others and people they "love"