Crappy night

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-17-2004
Crappy night
5
Sat, 05-01-2010 - 4:24am

So I was at home all day today cleaning and doing homework

 
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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
In reply to: posh04
Sat, 05-01-2010 - 3:34pm

Try not to worry too much about it.

At work, I'm betting that just about all of us come across as overly friendly (if we work in an environment that requires it). Try not too fret too much about it. He was probably just being "job friendly" to this girl.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-29-2010
In reply to: posh04
Sat, 05-01-2010 - 4:41pm

You know what? I don't blame you for your feelings. Feelings are feelings and without them we are not HUMAN. Jealousy is also a normal emotion, even when we don't have a right to have it, whatever. I know in my case I do NOT have a right to be jealous of my OM - he's single. I WANT him to end up with a wonderful woman someday. I DO. Does it stop me from being jealous? Nope. I'm not a robot, I FEEL.

You're doing the right thing. Not over-reacting, taking it in stride. As Brandee said, it's probably just "work friendliness". Unless proven otherwise, just take it as that.

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You've got a lot of choices. If getting out of bed in the morning is a chore and you're not smiling on a regular basis, try another choice. ~Steven D. Woodhull

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You've

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-02-2000
In reply to: posh04
Sun, 05-02-2010 - 12:30am

Ok, first off, I don't really see what the problem is with that girl. You said that he was like, "whatever", so is it really a big deal that she talked to him? A couple of things to think about.....

I don't know if your AP is a player or not. I don't think the length of time it took until he made a move to sleep with you should necessarily be a criteria to use. I mean, there are plenty of women on here whose affairs started out the same way yours did. Wolves in sheep's clothing can also be mistaken to be nice guys. Probably he isn't, but who knows? That being said, I think I saw a posting of yours from before concerning his being a police officer and such, unless I'm mistaken. And I shared that I was with a police officer for almost 5 years. One thing I learned is that there ARE police groupies, and some of those guys really get off on that. I mean, they're already on power trips, most of them, and when you add chicks throwing themselves at them, I'm sure it's irresistable. So, I would not be the least bit surprised to hear that your guy had others either before or during this affair. I'm not saying this to freak you out, I'm just telling you the truth. I am curious, though, as to whether or not you feel jealous at all of his wife? The reason I ask is because obviously he goes home and sleeps with her. I just wondered if that bothered you at all.

Honestly, when it comes to jealousy and trust and whatnot in an affair, it's really a murky area. Because using those two words even in the same sentence is rather contradictory. You want to trust your AP, yet that person is demonstrating that he/she, in fact, CAN'T be trusted. They are lying and sneaking around behind their spouse's back. They're cheating. So, it seems a bit presposterous to even discuss the issue. Because neither person in an affair is in the position to really expect faithfulness.

I guess what I'm trying to get at is that if you are going to continue in this affair, you have to just accept it for what it's worth. This man belongs to someone else. Maybe she's horrible and he doesn't love her and blah, blah, blah. But chances are she's a perfectly fine person. He doesn't really "belong" to you, so you can't expect the same sort of thing as if you were his spouse. Personally, that's one of the reasons why I think affairs suck. Not judging, because I've had one, just, again, saying what I really think. They especially suck if you are a single person in the equation. Because you treat the affair in your mind the same way you would any boyfriend/girlfriend...it's your primary relationship. But for the AP, you're their thing on the side. And usually, you end up falling in love and spending, no wasting, a lot of time waiting for them to finally be yours, which doesn't usually happen, and if it does, it oftentimes doesn't work out in the long run with you anyway. I don't know what it is you want with your AP, but, honestly, I would really think long and hard about whether you want to stay on this road. You're young, single and available, and you deserve to have someone in your life that is the same.

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-17-2004
In reply to: posh04
Sun, 05-02-2010 - 9:59am
Thanks for the advice.
 
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-17-2004
In reply to: posh04
Sun, 05-02-2010 - 10:07am

Thank you for understanding that even though technically I don't have the right to be jealous of other girls talking to him, I can't help how I feel.