Crossing the Line
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Crossing the Line
| Thu, 05-27-2004 - 12:40pm |
Someone help me! I'm sure I'm going to sound cliche, but for the first time in years, my heart is racing and I've got pins and needles all over. Problem is, it's not my husband that's getting me all flustered. (I say "the" problem, but really there are several conflicts.) I'm afraid of taking the next step, but then again I'm afraid not to. Please someone talk to me (preferably without judgement).

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You won't get any judgement from me, because I think we're in the same boat. After 16 years of a really happy marriage (I've thought about this for 4 months and I really cannot diagnose any problem with my marriage at all), I find myself wildly attracted to someone else. In the 20 years I've been with my husband, I've never even looked at another guy. Right now I can't stop thinking about the other guy, and our conversations are getting more and more 'personal.' We haven't done anything 'wrong' yet, but I even feel guilty about getting emotionally close to him (we work together).
Obviously, the right answer to this is 'run away!!!' But, is it? I feel that if this guy makes a real move on me, there is no way I'll be able to resist. But at the same time I find myself making excuses to be around him as much as possible.
I'm not at all worried about 'getting caught,' because although we work together we live 2000 miles apart and when I do see him it is an a city neither of us live in. I'm worried that if I fulfill my current desires, I will feel sooo guilty that it will affect my marriage. Right now, my marriage IS affected becaues I am so unbelievably distracted by this guy. And as the months go by, it gets worse, not better.
I have no future with this guy (and don't want one). I want to stay married.
Can someone 'stray' and survive emotionally? Is the guilt unbearable? Or, does it scratch an itch and allow you to move on with your current relationship (assuming it is solid - and I believe it really is).
By the way, this other guy is in the middle of a divorce. Am I worried that he would just be using me for sex? NO! I'd just be using him for sex.
Are we on the same page?
My affair began as a cyber relationship, but we have hooked up once and I plan to see him again.
I feel guilty for hiding things from my husband, but not for the relationship itself. It has made me incredibly happy, something which I have not felt in a long time. The new pleasure I feel both with this younger man and my husband are incredible. While my marriage is somewhat affected by my distraction, it has also benefitted greatly. Prior to this affair, I had very little sex drive. It is now back and stronger than ever!
I do think it will continue to help me to move forward with my husband because the affair is destined to be infrequent as well as short term. The situation we are in makes itimpossible to be frequent or long-lasting, nor would I want it to be a long-term affair. Unfortunately, being a new relationship, the thought of it ending is a source of pain. In the meantime, it is a wonderful secret that has spiced up my marital relationship as well.
After all, how can I judge after 3 1/2 years of this?
What else do I understand?
I understand that for many of us, the fear of going forward is because change might be inevitable and change in and of itself is frighteningly unknown... Change is hard, even if it is the necessary change that must happen within..I also understand the fear of not going forward- for it is the fear that to not go forward when love and opportunity knocks is the fear to not live,truly, for life is meant to be lived. Living fully is also the fear of the unknown and the fear that the river of life is flowing swiftly by and you merely stand upon the banks of a dry land and watch the sparkling life-giving water flow by.............
Yes, I undererstand.
change can be good, I think. Imagine if we could place the old us next to who we are and who we define ourselves as today!
I am happy in my own skin and wouldn't have it any other way...!
I've been married almost 19 years to a wonderful man, but like you, he is not the most exciting person to be around.
My kids are also getting a bit older, and I have been saying since 9-11 that I want to have 'fun'; not be so focused on 'when we retire' but to live now. My husband agrees with that philosophy too. But it seems like I am the one who has to make the plans, etc.
I, too, feel that I'm in the best shape of my life. My husband doesn't exercise at all - it makes me a bit angry that he doesn't take care of himself.
I got into this A not expecting anything, not looking for anything. It just makes me feel good. My man makes me melt when I am around him. He is so passionate - and it woke up my sexual side which my husband benefits from as well!
I have felt the crush feelings for years - its beyond that now since we got physical. It's just so exciting. I never felt such passion for a person before, and I just couldn't let myself go thru life without experiencing it I guess.
We both have agreed to keep this 'light' - if even possible.
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