Curve, u called it! I dont get it!!

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-16-2009
Curve, u called it! I dont get it!!
8
Mon, 01-11-2010 - 9:37pm
I want to scream, I really do! The SM who last Spring came on so strong and made it very clear he was interested and then ran and disappeared after we hung out but then popped up again unexpectedly a few months later online, then we got together this past fall. We were conversing after this (I live in different state but go to his state every few months)then he disappeared again. I finally gave up and wrote him a nice note stating it seemed he didnt want to talk anymore and since the last thing I wanted to do was bother him, I was no longer going to contact him. I wished him well and said to take care. Nice note, nothing mean or derogatory. tried to keep it lite. Tonight he "shows himself" on my im and contacts me, says hi like nothing happened! Asks me when I am coming down again. What is wrong with this guy??? He seems to be what I call socially inept! He barely converses in email or IM but when face to face is much better. I don't get it! I don't know why but don't even want to ask him what the problem is unless I see him in person. The guy is driving me insane! One one hand I can say "whatever" take it for what it is and have fun or say to hell with it and don't get close again. I dont get it. he's in his 30's, not like he's a young guy! What gives!!!
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-09-2009
Tue, 01-12-2010 - 7:34am

I know a few of these guys. They are looking for a gap-filler and if you respond, then he has hit the jackpot. These guys (sorry, and girls where applicable) are worse than having a FWB as they ignore you until they feel like talking to you and allowing you the privelidge of their presence.

IMO, give the guy the flick fast before you make the pattern that will say its OK for him to call you anytime he wants a booty call or ego strokes.
If he can not call you occasionally to say he hasnt fallen off the face of the earth or even just to say hi and bye, then he aint worth diddly or a moment of wasted brain cells.

Edited to add: Of course he is better talking face to face- its real difficult to get you into bed over IM no matter how charming.

SB.Que Sera Sera - Whatever will be, will be.




Edited 1/12/2010 7:42 am ET by sometimesblue
Que Sera Sera - Whatever will be, will be.
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-14-2009
Tue, 01-12-2010 - 8:50am

These

“"Truer words were never spoken -" Ah, but true words leave hearts broken! Truth is only for the wise - Lovers ought to stick to lies”

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-16-2009
Tue, 01-12-2010 - 8:51am
Yes Blue. You are correct. When I met him he didn't seem the type. he seemed real and honest. He told me up front how it was. I guess I believed he was different because he is so quiet and a bit different that he is somewhat of a loner so i felt maybe that was the problem. It doesn't matter what exactly he is or why he does it. The fact that he gives me the time of day only when he wants to and I feel he could at least be a bit considerate is the issue. I know he does not have a GF and feel (from the way he was in bed) that he is inexperienced. I know he's HAD gfs but at the age of 33 and being a bachelor, it is telling. The reason I say I want to get him face to face is because I plan on talking to him and letting him know it is NOT ok for me. It may work with the 20 year olds but I am not stupid and I am not a piece of meat! Thanks for the brutal honesty! We all need to hear it don't we? How pathetic that we get thrown a tid bit and it makes us happy. NOT ANYMORE!
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-14-2009
Tue, 01-12-2010 - 9:03am

OH, MY GOD ARE WE DATING THE SAME MAN?

“"Truer words were never spoken -" Ah, but true words leave hearts broken! Truth is only for the wise - Lovers ought to stick to lies”

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-16-2009
Tue, 01-12-2010 - 9:18am
Gal,
You broke it off with him? What happened that made you finally decide to do this?
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-09-2009
Tue, 01-12-2010 - 9:39am

Dont be too hard in your thinking, NL4M. Its the "vulnerable" part of them that sucks you in. You never think that people you meet and get along with can be that good a liar and in mid 30s, we think that we should be pretty good at spotting the con artist/player.

You dont owe Mr Whenever-I-Want-You the time of day. Next time he calls just dont answer the phone and let him call the next chicky-boo in his little black book. Calling him out on his game will make you seem like a rejected woman because he didnt want anything more than S with you, so dont even give him the satisfaction. Think of it as another lesson learned and so you can see the signs for the next man that tries it on you.

SB

Que Sera Sera - Whatever will be, will be.
Que Sera Sera - Whatever will be, will be.
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-14-2009
Tue, 01-12-2010 - 10:30am

My affair on this board have to be one of the most strangest.. My affair started when my mom passed away last year.

“"Truer words were never spoken -" Ah, but true words leave hearts broken! Truth is only for the wise - Lovers ought to stick to lies”

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-16-2009
Tue, 01-12-2010 - 10:43am
Yes I did read that part. I remember this. I wrote to mine and he all of a sudden Immed me. he said I was overthinking blah blah blah. The gist is the guy wants to have sex when he wants without any care at ALL about what I want. His true colors have shown themselves. I am shocked at what came out. The shy, simple man I thought him to be is a selfish, pitiful jerk! Basically he believes he is doing me a favor! Its almost laughable!!! Im thinking are you kidding??????? he says I should just invite him over when Im alone and if he can he will!!! Im laughing so hard Im crying. Ae you kidding me????? He tells me asking a million questions scares him away. I replied being treated like I dont exist scares me away. I am SO done with him. Oh I will go see him sat his work. I will go with my friend and be friendly. If he really believes I am going to invite him over now? I told him I wasnt going to contact him anymore and Id see him at some point when there. He says see me or do me? Im like are you kidding???? What a winner i picked! We both need to run as far as we can. Please do not talk to this man ever again. he sound scary although im sure your scare was priceless. We need to get control back any way we can. The fact that I do not care is my control.