Um. Here is the thing. As a general rule, men Hate to make life changing decisions… but they hate it even more when said decisions are being made for them by someone else, when they are being trapped, backed into a corner and demanded to make a choice. Keep that in mind next time you 'tell him to leave her', okay?
I see where you are coming from and I'm in sort of a similiar situation (AP says he hates his SO and wants to leave but he hasn't done anything to show me, so I set up a deadline for him).
I think... that although this is killing you, you really have no choice in whether he leaves or stays.
I understand carrying on an A. But now that she knows and YOU are going through a separation, why continue the A or why continue the sexual relationship. I know how difficult it must be to end the A, but I'd have a hard time giving it up to him knowing that he was sitting on the fence.
I don't know what I'd do in your situation. It's always easier to say "if it were me" but you never know how you are going to act until you get into a situation.
So, I'm gonna say "if it were me" I would step back and "I love you, I want to be with you in a real R, but you need to make this decision without me clouding your judgement." And I would back off. No sex, very limited communication. Why would he leave her when everything is still the same? The only difference is that she knows something. For all you know, he may have told her that he ended things with you. If he is continueing to do these things for her it seems he has already made his decision and he likes the status quo.
Thats just my thoughts on the subject. I hope that you are able to come to a decision that will make you happy in your life. Please keep us posted.
It seems to me that your AP being "shocked" at the separation papers should be a red flag. He obviously had no plans to go anywhere and just wanted to continue on as you have been.
If you can't find a reliable safe place to leave your kids, then I suggest you stay put. Half brother what? Those kids are your responsibility, why should you dump them on him? Do you know how many children got abused (sexually and mentally) this way? Please, at 3 and 8 years old they're very vulnerable and it's your job to protect them. No man should take priority over their safety.
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Um. Here is the thing. As a general rule, men Hate to make life changing decisions… but they hate it even more when said decisions are being made for them by someone else, when they are being trapped, backed into a corner and demanded to make a choice. Keep that in mind next time you 'tell him to leave her', okay?
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Hi Roll,
I see where you are coming from and I'm in sort of a similiar situation (AP says he hates his SO and wants to leave but he hasn't done anything to show me, so I set up a deadline for him).
I think... that although this is killing you, you really have no choice in whether he leaves or stays.
I understand carrying on an A. But now that she knows and YOU are going through a separation, why continue the A or why continue the sexual relationship. I know how difficult it must be to end the A, but I'd have a hard time giving it up to him knowing that he was sitting on the fence.
I don't know what I'd do in your situation. It's always easier to say "if it were me" but you never know how you are going to act until you get into a situation.
So, I'm gonna say "if it were me" I would step back and "I love you, I want to be with you in a real R, but you need to make this decision without me clouding your judgement." And I would back off. No sex, very limited communication. Why would he leave her when everything is still the same? The only difference is that she knows something. For all you know, he may have told her that he ended things with you. If he is continueing to do these things for her it seems he has already made his decision and he likes the status quo.
Thats just my thoughts on the subject. I hope that you are able to come to a decision that will make you happy in your life. Please keep us posted.
R
ok now i am getting more information from others here.
here is the latest update:
So AP moved out!!
Hi Roll -
Sounds like lots is happening for you - and I don't have alot of time to reply - but I wanted to say one thing loudly and clearly -
DO NOT LEAVE THOSE GIRLS HOME ALONE WITH HIM!!!
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