Dazed and Confused
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| Thu, 04-15-2004 - 11:28am |
Alittle back ground. I enrolled in online college classes awhile back and thry these classes i have met a "study buddy" which at the time that was what it was.
I returned to school because i figuired it would give a focus to deal with H's seperations from home. He is in the military.Let me add that has by no means anything to do with the collapsing of your M. It has been long coming and a major turning point was Aug. last year. But i thought our upcoming transfer to another state would help and maybe we could work it out. NOPE.... I cringe when he touches me. He doesn't support me in anything i do and shows no compassion for me at all sick or otherwise. It always turns into " Are you coming to bed.. well if not to h**l with you." this is after doing dinner dishes and putting kids to bed and not having 5 minutes to relax all the while he is proped on the couch. We fight over stupid thing when he is home because i just have no feeling for him. Part of me loves him because he is the father of my children but i realize i haven't been in love with him in awhile. The move didn't stregthen things but just made me see things more clear to me when he is gone. I have time to think and breath and talk to OM who makes me feel specail and beautiful again., traits H only does when he wants me in bed. Then they disapear agian til the next time. Om is so sweet and he excepts my smart mouth tendancies ( as he has teh same ones-lol)
Ok back the "buddy" well we would chat online over class stuff and then we would get OT and continue to talk and before we realized it hours had passed. We realized how much we had in common and it was things i loved that he brought up as things of his interest before i did so i knew he wasn't just agreeing. Well this progressed and we talked daily for at least a few minutes or so. Then the class we shared ended and we got seperated so we still Im'ed to just talk. Well this progressed to calls. During one break of H being gone we talked on the phone what seemed like all night 2 nights in a row. Thi shas gone on for awhile and it has nothing to do with H's absence because i miss talking to OM when H is sitting right there in the room. I find myself waiting in the evening that H is gone for OM to get home from work because i know he will call.
OM is a single dad and asks about my kids he gets on my case (sounds harsh though) when i start slacking in school which is nice because H asked me to quit since he is gone so much and i won't have time.( i make time and i felt him asking me to quit was not fair to me or to the fact that he supposedly wanted me to further my education while we were stationed here)
OM and i live in different states but not as far that would pyshically keep us apart. We have not face to face met but we both have agreed we would like to. we talk on the phone for hours at a time ( thank goodness for free long distance cell phones-lol) and there is a closeness there that i have not felt since dating H. I feel so close to OM thru just the contact and communication we have that i truly want to meet him and see what happens.
O ki have rambled and if you are still reading then thank you. I just had to tell someone and get soem input cause i am truly confused. I know i feelings for OM and he is planning a trip to see his other daughter and wants to stop thru and see me on his way and i am all for it. Just needed i think to get feeling into words to work through them..
Thanks ya all it seems like a great and supportive bunch ..
Bec

I admit that as hard as I tried to hide my feelings for MM, the more they would crash into me. I feel somewhat the same as you do about your M, although I'm not at the stage where I cringe when H touches me (but, I have been at times).
I'm not going to tell you to go for it, that you must decide for yourself, because I have to tell you it can be very heartbreaking (I know this) if things end. I'm not going to tell you not to meet with him. I also know how difficult it is to resist (I didn't). And, I know that if it was me, I probably wouldn't be able to say no.
Just know that when you need support you can post here, and we'll do what we can to offer suggestion, or just give you a hug if needed.
Take care
Red
red is right, we can't tell you what to do, only you can do that for yourself. if you are so supremely unhappy with your M (cringing when he touches you would be a good indicator!) then you need to think about your life and your children's lives with or without your H. in other words, is a separation in order here and not because he's away for the military. of course you have to decide if your M/R is salvagable or not. but you have to think seriously about it before you start a relationship with another man, even if he's sweet and complimentary, etc. after all, he's a man you really know little about, so he could be sweet-talking you to get sex too! be cautious and don't believe everything you're told. i may be jaded somewhat, but i still think if it's too good to be true, it usually is.
think about what you want for your future and make a plan to make that picture happen, before you go off and start an A.
be strong and look out for you!!
life