Dazed and Confused

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-02-2004
Dazed and Confused
5
Sat, 01-03-2004 - 3:54pm
I just need to tell someone about my EMA if that's what it is/was. First I want to say Hi and that I am so glad that I found a place where other pp understand what I'm going throught. I have been married for 20yrs to a wonderful man who loves me unconditionally, so I can't understand my actions. I will admit that over the years I have fantisized about other men but never in a millions years would I have thought that I would have acted on such fantasies. Ok here's the scoope...off and on for the past 5 years I have been having an internet relationship with a MM we met in person about a year ago and nothing ever happened...meaning we did not have intimate relations. We continued to chat/e-mail, talk on the phone and met a couple of more times...still nothing. A couple of months ago his W found out about his internet infidelity and starting buying him all sorts of expensive gifts. Last month he told me he couldn't do anything to hurt her and that he was confused. So I helped clear things up for him and ended all ties to him...to be honest I was sort of relieved that it was over. I mean all of this time and niether one of us could commit to each other, physically that is. Well with that over and done with I thought t/g my H will never know what I almost did. But now here's the real delima...

about 3-months ago an aquaintance that I've known (strickly in a business manner) for a little over a year hit on me. He has always been friendly and flirty with me but I just blew it off as just that...him being a big flirt. So when he grabbed me and held my body against his and kissed me I was shocked and I resisted and told him no. A few weeks after his first attempt a situation arose where we were alone again this time when he grabbed me and kissed me I did not resist, it was intoxicating. There have been a few more times were we have been alone and things have gone way beyond kissing and heavy petting. Now all I think about is having $exx with this MM, which has not happened yet. I have no feelings for this person except lust. What is wrong with me? I do love my H. I feel that I have already been unfaithful, so I keep telling myself that it's only $exx. I'm so confused.

I know I have just rambled on an on but I have absolutely no one that I can talk to about this.

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-09-2003
Sat, 01-03-2004 - 4:05pm
Hey girl, seems like I'm the only one around right now, so I'll give you my opinion.

You have a good marriage you said? I would really concentrate on that if i were you, and give this other guy the cold shoulder. Sounds to me like you want the thrill of feeling sexy and wanted. Isn't there any way you could spice up things at home? If your M is good, do you really want to risk it?

I know alot of women on here are like me, terrible M but won't leave H, MM is just a little "dessert" on the side to help make up the things missing from our M's. And there are plenty of others who are happily married like you, but did start into an A anyways.

You had this online relationship and you were glad it ended. You should maybe take the cue from that and try to avoid this new guy. JMO, but if I were happily married, I definitely would not be in the situation I am in now, with MM on the side and still stuck in an unhappy M.

xxxx
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-28-2003
Sat, 01-03-2004 - 6:22pm
Hello Lyn

Were the mind goes the body follows , you have invested a lot of yourself in the last EA but he did not do it for you physicaly this guy does.

Beware the new guy sound very controling with a violent edge to him (he did in fact sexualy assult you) HE SOUNDS LIKE A SERIAL CHEATER.

I suggest you seek out IC.

If you do not want to degrade your M mybe you should tell your husband there is a problem and you BOTH NEED TO GO TO MC.

The issue could have more about how you feel about yourself then the MM, if you let this go any farther you can expect to get addicted to you own brain chemicales and the emotional highs that produce them.

NOW IS THE TIME TO STOP, if you go forward be prepared for a lot of pain for you and your loved ones.

FREE

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-25-2003
Sat, 01-03-2004 - 6:43pm
lvdnrgrl - The subject of your post got to me (notice my name?) That is exactly how I felt (and still feel) when I started posting on this board a month ago.

I too am happily (and newly I might add) married, and yet have found myself in quite a pickle. When I first posted here a co-worker that I had been flirting heavily with (and had a little crush on for awhile) had made it clear that he was interested in more. Most people advised me that since I was happily married I should focus on my husband and give up my crush. Did I listen? Not exactly. I am now in a situation with this MM that involves a lot of heavy kissing (it sounds silly to call it making out, but that's what it is) and him wanting a whole lot more than I am able to give him. I know I should stop, yet I can't bring myself to. It has started to go down the path of my misleading my husband about how/where I'm spending time - and I've always been a very honest person. I don't know what brought me to this point, or why I can't seem to stop. I just know that the way I'm feeling for MM seems to be out of control. I fantasize about him constantly, and am having a harder and harder time remembering to draw the line.

I'm not going to tell you to not get involved, because I know that with matters of the heart/body there's seldom logic involved. I too am extremely dazed and confused, and still cannot believe that I am here.

Good luck in whatever you choose. This board is a wonderful support group. If you want to talk more let me know and maybe we can somehow exchange email addresses.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-02-2004
Sun, 01-04-2004 - 11:54am
Hello, I just want to say thanks for the input...All of the advice makes perfectly good sense. The problem is...my senses leave me when I get around this MM. I have told myself over and over again not to give in to the temptations but so far it has not worked. And I can't avoid this MM...I live in small town and he is a prominent business-man that I see quite frequently for business purposes. I will admit that I was upset with him the first time he made a pass at me...but I think that it is his forwardness that excites me. I'm having such a hard time dealing with my actions or lack of. I know it is wrong...but when I'm alone with this MM my lust takes over and I have no control. Again, thanks for listening and the feedback.
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-28-2003
Sun, 01-04-2004 - 4:28pm
Hi Lvnd

Have you considered IC to find out why you react to a stronge male the way that you do.

Tell you have a handle on this it would be advisable not to put yourself in a position to be alone with the MM.

I your husband a wimpy type of man, people walk on him , this can be a problem for a lot of women.

Consider the long term outcome of this if your husband finds out

Free