((((((hugs)))))) Real love will find a way ! Nothing can stop it.
Tygerzize,
Hey ! He is AP now? ;) How? you lucky girl! You are soooooo in love ,baby girl! It seems you are first time ever sooo much in love! I really hope he becomes yours forever.Its not nice when 2 people who love like you two ,dont get to be one.I would love to know how/what/when/where..... ;) Thanks.
conflictedone,
I am sorry for hijack but i was interested in tygerzize story as i had followed it a bit and gave advice.i hope you dont mind.thanks and sorry for your pain!
Maybe it's me, but I would not hang around to hear about how terrible of a person I am from someone I no longer love.
Don't get me wrong, you were wrong, and there are no excuses for what we do, but if you don't love H anymore why put yourself through that drama? If you still love him, and want to be w/ him, then by all means take your licks, and try to press on. Try not to beat yourself up too much, because I am a firm believer that most woman won't cheat if they have that emotional bond w/ their H. Where as men will cheat under the best of circumstances.
I mean do you want to end your marriage? If so, now is the perfect time to do it, but just don't do it based on anything AP does or doesn't do. Make it about you and your children, and what is better in the long run. Hearing their father continuously put their mother down does absolutely nothing for them either.
You have a lot going on right now. Try to sit back, and take a breather. Maybe then your head will clear a little, and you can make a sound judgement. Good luck Sugar, I wish you the very best.
CFD, it takes a long time to let someone go. But it does happen. Keep the distance, keep the NC, be patient with your h and yourself. Nothing he says can really change things for you right now - he's working through stuff just as much as you are.
Go to counseling - both of you. You both need a safe and supervised place to talk to each other.
Listen . . . I understand and agree with your H's anger and what he has discovered, but even though you were in the wrong here, your feelings still matter too. The fact is, you were unhappy in the M or else you wouldn't have started an A. While your H has every right to be angry about the A, the vibe I'm getting from your post is that he only wants to be angry and doesn't want to take constructive steps to fix your M. It sounds like he just wants you to go back to how things were prior to the
"He's wanting you to basically beg him for forgiveness and agree that what happened between you and AP was foolish and not real, and that you were a fool for engaging in the A. The thing is, your original feelings of unhappiness are still there, and they are probably not making you want to beg H for forgiveness, or change in ways that don't feel right to accomodate him."
I'm glad you are planning to go to IC. It will do you a world of good. I mean, I'm lucky enough not to be too deep in my A and that my H doesn't know about it, but I use IC as a means by which to deal with my negative feelings about my M. I don't really want to divorce H, I *do* genuinely want to work things out with him and be happy together. We used to be very happy and we have undergone a lot of life changes recently, so I still firmly believe that once the dust has really cleared from all of these big changes, we can find a way to be like we used to together. I'm using IC as a way to keep me in my marriage in the meantime.
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Conflictedone,
((((((hugs)))))) Real love will find a way ! Nothing can stop it.
Tygerzize,
Hey ! He is AP now? ;) How? you lucky girl! You are soooooo in love ,baby girl!
It seems you are first time ever sooo much in love! I really hope he becomes yours forever.Its not nice when 2 people who love like you two ,dont get to be one.I would love to know how/what/when/where..... ;)
Thanks.
conflictedone,
I am sorry for hijack but i was interested in tygerzize story as i had followed it a bit and gave advice.i hope you dont mind.thanks and sorry for your pain!
deleted
Edited 11/22/2008 5:49 pm ET by tygerzize
"be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind"---Dr. Seuss
Tygerzize,
I dont want to turn this thread about you,please if you could start a fresh thread of your being back with AP ,i would love to ask some questions ;-).
Thankyou.
Maybe it's me, but I would not hang around to hear about how terrible of a person I am from someone I no longer love.
Don't get me wrong, you were wrong, and there are no excuses for what we do, but if you don't love H anymore why put yourself through that drama? If you still love him, and want to be w/ him, then by all means take your licks, and try to press on. Try not to beat yourself up too much, because I am a firm believer that most woman won't cheat if they have that emotional bond w/ their H. Where as men will cheat under the best of circumstances.
I mean do you want to end your marriage? If so, now is the perfect time to do it, but just don't do it based on anything AP does or doesn't do. Make it about you and your children, and what is better in the long run. Hearing their father continuously put their mother down does absolutely nothing for them either.
You have a lot going on right now. Try to sit back, and take a breather. Maybe then your head will clear a little, and you can make a sound judgement. Good luck Sugar, I wish you the very best.
CFD, it takes a long time to let someone go. But it does happen. Keep the distance, keep the NC, be patient with your h and yourself. Nothing he says can really change things for you right now - he's working through stuff just as much as you are.
Go to counseling - both of you. You both need a safe and supervised place to talk to each other.
Jake
What she said.
Listen . . . I understand and agree with your H's anger and what he has discovered, but even though you were in the wrong here, your feelings still matter too. The fact is, you were unhappy in the M or else you wouldn't have started an A. While your H has every right to be angry about the A, the vibe I'm getting from your post is that he only wants to be angry and doesn't want to take constructive steps to fix your M. It sounds like he just wants you to go back to how things were prior to the
"He's wanting you to basically beg him for forgiveness and agree that what happened between you and AP was foolish and not real, and that you were a fool for engaging in the A. The thing is, your original feelings of unhappiness are still there, and they are probably not making you want to beg H for forgiveness, or change in ways that don't feel right to accomodate him."
You have described it exactly!!!
I'm glad you are planning to go to IC. It will do you a world of good. I mean, I'm lucky enough not to be too deep in my A and that my H doesn't know about it, but I use IC as a means by which to deal with my negative feelings about my M. I don't really want to divorce H, I *do* genuinely want to work things out with him and be happy together. We used to be very happy and we have undergone a lot of life changes recently, so I still firmly believe that once the dust has really cleared from all of these big changes, we can find a way to be like we used to together. I'm using IC as a way to keep me in my marriage in the meantime.
This is what jumped out at me from your post:
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