You know, I don't know if this makes any sense but I had this same discussion with my AP. I guess from my side this is how I see it. When I was M my H had AP. I stayed in the M because I wanted to do what was right for the kids. I think it is ingrained in our heads from the time we are little that you fall in love for a reason and you bring these children into this world and it is your responsibility to raise them. We are "told" that the best environment to raise kids is with both parents there. I think that because of this that is the reason that I stayed in my M for 2 years to long.
Now my AP is telling me the same thing that yours is. he wants to stay for the kids. Now that I am D and I can see how great it is on the "other side" I know that being D isn't the end of the world and I am so much happier now. I tell him how important it is that your kids see you as a happy person, not just going through the motions of everyday life. He tries to see it but just can't. I guess if someone would have told me that when I was M I would have a hard time seeing it also. I've even tried to tell him that being D makes it more about the kids because the time you spend with them is so precious. He just can't see outside that box.
I honestly don't know what you could say to him to make him understand. I have tried with mine and he just doesn't see it. I now have been on both sides of the "for the kids" concept and right now I think the most important thing is that it is more important your kids see you as a happy, healthy person and not just going through the motions of life. That's my take on it anyway
You know, I don't know if this makes any sense but I had this same discussion with my AP. I guess from my side this is how I see it. When I was M my H had AP. I stayed in the M because I wanted to do what was right for the kids. I think it is ingrained in our heads from the time we are little that you fall in love for a reason and you bring these children into this world and it is your responsibility to raise them. We are "told" that the best environment to raise kids is with both parents there. I think that because of this that is the reason that I stayed in my M for 2 years to long.
Now my AP is telling me the same thing that yours is. he wants to stay for the kids. Now that I am D and I can see how great it is on the "other side" I know that being D isn't the end of the world and I am so much happier now. I tell him how important it is that your kids see you as a happy person, not just going through the motions of everyday life. He tries to see it but just can't. I guess if someone would have told me that when I was M I would have a hard time seeing it also. I've even tried to tell him that being D makes it more about the kids because the time you spend with them is so precious. He just can't see outside that box.
I honestly don't know what you could say to him to make him understand. I have tried with mine and he just doesn't see it. I now have been on both sides of the "for the kids" concept and right now I think the most important thing is that it is more important your kids see you as a happy, healthy person and not just going through the motions of life. That's my take on it anyway
I really appreciate your insight. Thanks for sharing!
Edited 10/7/2008 12:17 am ET by prettydaintywoman