Defining your A...

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-14-2009
Defining your A...
6
Sun, 05-31-2009 - 5:02pm

I was wondering how the fact that you and your AP were now in an A was brought up. My AP is an old dear friend of mine that I reconnected with about a year and a half ago. Around Feb. was when we first crossed any lines physically. About two weeks ago were we intimate for the first time since high school.


At this point we have not had a discussion about what we are doing. The closest we have come is when he said to me one day that he 'isnt an old pro at this' when we realized we were being a little too touchy in public for a moment.


There as a little spat about two months ago when he canceled plans on me last minute that he told me that we were friends and shouldnt be demanding of each others time. He was overwhelmed with school and work at the moment. This was right around the time that we first were physical with kissing and touching.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-17-2007
Sun, 05-31-2009 - 6:14pm
My moment of truth came to me last year when, after his wife accused us (for a 3rd time) of something going on, (and there was), and he continued to cavort with me, knowing how upset his wife would be, if she knew. I asked him what if his W found out he was still hanging with me and if he felt guilty about being with me? He admitted his wife would be pretty upset about it, but he said no, he didn't feel guilty about spending time with me. That's when i knew he was keeping it a secret from her and i, too am guilty of the same thing. My H just thinks me and ap are friends, as ap and i have known each other 10 yrs. Started the affair almost 2 yrs ago...
Avatar for momtb4
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Sun, 05-31-2009 - 6:24pm
om and I were just friends, we studied together, then we hung out with my family and stuff, and we really were just friends, a little flirty but no more flirty than I am with any other friend of either sex. Then, one day, we weren't friends anymore, we were more than that. We both knew it when we kissed, and it was lousy. And we talked about it... and we knew it was wrong and it was cheating and an A. then it was a little bit more and a little bit more. Now we both admit that A is what it was, but now, it's not any more, it's over over over. I regret having A, wish I'd have divorced my h first, that would have been the right thing to do. But, it's not how it happened, so here we are.
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-14-2009
Sun, 05-31-2009 - 6:25pm

I know his W has no idea that we see each other as much as we do. There has been a couple of times that she will ask him last minute to meet her for lunch during her lunch hour and he has plans with me soon after. He has told me that he has to meet her for lunch, even though we were going to have lunch. Its a little strange but I havent asked him why he doesnt tell her. I am guessing that she wouldnt be ok with the fact that we do lunch at least twice a month.


She hasnt ever said anything to me. But I do find it odd that she is on my MYSpace and FaceBook but I no longer get emails from her. For a while she was sending me an email

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-26-2009
Sun, 05-31-2009 - 7:11pm

The timing of this post couldn't be better. I'm struggling with this same issue at the moment. We are both in our 30's now. AP and I (barely)

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-14-2009
Sun, 05-31-2009 - 7:31pm

Defining my A is not easy.

“"Truer words were never spoken -" Ah, but true words leave hearts broken! Truth is only for the wise - Lovers ought to stick to lies”

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-14-2009
Sun, 05-31-2009 - 7:32pm

sweetjan08


Sorry to hear that. Its tough.


My AP had it really bad for me back when we were just out of school. He wanted to date me. I started seeing his roomate. To this day he still remembers the conversation we had when I told him that I was going to date his friend. He never asked why or I would have told him that I was afraid he would break my heart. The friend was "safe". Since they were roomates I seen AP nearly every day. We became