Delurking - warning long!!

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-09-2004
Delurking - warning long!!
5
Fri, 01-09-2004 - 5:55pm
I've


Edited 10/19/2004 2:37 pm ET ET by chilehector
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-05-2004
Fri, 01-09-2004 - 6:11pm
You said the same exact things I wanted to say! The only difference is that my OM is willing to go "all the way" if you know what I mean and I have obliged him several times.

It's such a hard situation, I wish I had more advice for you, but all I can say is that I too love my H and have never thought about leaving the marriage. There aren't any real problems at home, but I am just very attracted to OM and can't seem to control myself. Sometimes I think "what the heck am I doing? How could I risk my marriage for this?" It's so hard to understand. I've been with H for 10 years and love him dearly. I too have NEVER ever thought about having an EMA, but one day it sort of happened. We also work together and started the whole naughty e-mail thing as well.

After the first time OM and I got together I tried to stop it and said it was just a one time thing. I thought I could live with myself if I didn't allow it to happen again. Of course, that didn't last more than a week when I went right back for more. It's only been going on for a month now and OM and I talked this morning. I'm going to try to focus on my marriage and want to stay away from OM so I can do that. OM was understanding and encouraged me to work on my marriage but also said if I ever left he would be waiting for me. Of course, I have already made plans to see him tomorrow to say "good bye" I'm really hoping that tomorrow will be it.

Here's my advice to you. Since my relationship with OM became "intimate" it has been hard to concentrate on things at home. Whem I'm making love to my H, I'm thinking about OM and I feel guilty. I've slipped up twice and used OM's name in front of H when talking about people at work. I realize that I can't be in a marriage and have an EMA, for me it's too hard keeping everything straight. Yesterday at work my H was on the phone and OM called on the other line. Then OM was on the phone and H called on the other line. I thought to myself "this is just way too hard, sooner or later I'm going to screw this up" so I made the decision to say goodbye to OM and stick with my H. Hopefully I'll be able to do that. You need to think long and hard about what pursuing this EMA will do to you. Can you live with yourself? You seem pretty attached to OM, but you say you are not interested in leaving your M. Is it realistic for you to be married with someone that you care about on the side? For some people it is, others it's not. You have to decide what you are looking for first and then make a decision later. If OM is not willing to take things to the next level yet, my guess is that sooner or later he will be. He's probably just going through the guilty phase we all do, sooner or later he will cross the line....if he keeps coming back.

Good Luck to you, I hope it all works out and things don't get too messy for you!

Bad Girl

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-09-2004
Fri, 01-09-2004 - 6:20pm
Thank you for your kind words -




Edited 10/19/2004 2:38 pm ET ET by chilehector

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-05-2004
Fri, 01-09-2004 - 6:42pm
Well, it starts getting tricky when one roll in the hay turns in to 2, 3 or 4 rolls in the hay and then before you know it your in a full blown EMA. That's what seems to have happened with me.

Does he want to talk in person next week or on the phone? My guess is that if he wants to talk in person he probably is going to try to fool around with you. He'll feel guilty and will back off, but will probably e-mail or call you in a week or two. That seems to be how these things work. If I was you I would just lay my cards on the table and be honest. I would tell him that I don't have any plans to leave my H and that the fooling around has got you curious about what "taking it to the next level" would be like. Maybe if you assure him it's a physical thing and not emotional he'll feel secure enough to "dive right in". BE careful though, if your not sure you want to do this I would totally back off and not even agree to talk with him next week. The only way to really prevent things from getting worse is to stay away from this man completely! No contact! I think that's where so many of us go wrong. I knew I shouldn't go back for more after the first time, but I was curious and though "well, I've already done it once...a second time couldn't hurt anything" but now I'm emotionally involved and calling it off is much harder.

Good Luck!

Bad Girl

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-28-2003
Fri, 01-09-2004 - 7:30pm
HI Chile

Just a warning to you , if you start haveing intercourse with this MM it will get emotional for you and getting out of it will be very hard and the price could get very high , are you ready to pay it!

Interesting that this MM is 10 years younger then you and Your Husband is 10 years older have you tried IC to determine what is going on in you head , there is always a reason we do these things?

It sounds more like LUST at this point then anything else , perhaps you are haveing a mid life crisis!


GOOD LUCK

FREE

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-09-2004
Sat, 01-10-2004 - 1:08pm
Thank


Edited 10/19/2004 2:39 pm ET ET by chilehector