Depressed, what do I do?

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-19-2004
Depressed, what do I do?
12
Fri, 04-02-2004 - 10:30am
Well,

I post very little here but I do read all of your posts everyday and get very much out of them.

I'm so unhappy, I feel depressed and cry all the time. I think I'm in love with my OM. Here's my situation.

I've lived a hard life with H. Married at 16. I caught him in an A about 3 years ago with his x girlfriend before me. It was awful, I was in so much love with him. But then besides that he has abused me verbally and physically (don't know why I put up with it-and I do cruise the DV board as well). Well I met OM 5 years ago although I didn't know he was into me. Well our A started about 4 months ago and I feel like we have both fell in love. I feel like I would never have started an A, if H had treated me right.

Anyways, back in January I told my H that I wanted our M to be over because I was tired of his ways. He'd punched me about two weeks before and then through a rampage in the kitchen breaking things a few days after that wo that's what triggered me to tell him this.

I see that OM treats me like a queen and that feels so good. He's calm, courtious, loving, and so on ......

Well H says don't leave me, cries, the whole bit and what do I do? I stay but give him and ultimatum. If he lays one more hand on me or throws another fit, I leave. Well, we went out of town for Spring Break and he verbally abuses me and tells me if I act a certain way he's going to beat the sh@# out of me. Well, I'm still there. He just asked me to go lunch with him yesterday and gave me flowers. I don't get it. I know I should be posting this on the DV board as well but somehow you guys feel more familiar to me.

Well anyways, I'm in the middle. I scared to leave H although he's awful to me sometimes but great most of the time. Yet OM is always great to me. What do I do? I cry all the time and want to sleep, these are signs of depression. I'm not happy in my M at all but yet I feel sorry for this fool that hurts me. And there's someone out there (OM) waiting for me. Although, I'm not sure how far he wants to go either. Help, help, help! I need advise desperately.

Pages

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-03-2004
Sat, 04-03-2004 - 12:52am


Dear Confused,

Everyone else has posted the exact same advice. They're right. You need to get out and do it *now*!

I know that you're frightened and that the thought of leaving is almost overwhelming. Help is available, but you have to take the steps to access it...and that's frightening as well.

First, this isn't your fault. You've done nothing to deserve _any_ kind of abuse. Period. I don't care what flaws you have, none of them rate abuse.

Second, you need to think of your children. I know that you have and that part of your thought processes leave you thinking, "Well, I only have one chance to give them an intact home, Dad and all..." Forget it. Your home isn't intact. Your children are at major risk, as are you.

I'm an ICU RN. Just a few months ago, I cared for a woman who was in an abusive relationship which she didn't leave. She is now paralyzed from the neck down and she won't ever awaken enough from her coma to hold her beautiful 18 month old child. Her husband is in prison, so trying to work things through actually left her child essentially orphaned. Loving your children means that you have to make decisions that they may not understand for years...but at least if you're out, they still have one parent to love them.

Please, please, please! Listen to what you're being told. First time he's out of the house, take the kids, your clothes and whatever money you can lay your hands on and head straight for a shelter, or friend. Don't go home alone. Have the sheriff accompany you to get your things. Don't be alone with him. Don't debate, discuss or disclose your location. There is nothing to discuss that your attorneys can't handle.

You owe yourself and your children the chance at a life. There are some things that a parent can't do...and risking death from abuse is one of them.

You'll be in our thoughts and prayers. Let us know that you've landed safely.

(((((((((HUGS)))))))))))))



Cazrida

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-03-2004
Sat, 04-03-2004 - 7:27am
One of the repliers hit the nail on the head. After enduring so many years of abuse, your feelings die, and then there's nothing left to salvage anyway. That's the predicament I'm in. After Christmas, I left my H with my kids (court order), and he had no idea it was coming. He said he had his wake-up call and was an angel, and I stupidly moved back in. To be honest, he is better, but I see signs of the old abusive self creeping back in, and the sad part now is, it doesn't matter if he does change because I am DEAD inside to him. I only moved back for the boys and my feeling of "duty". Now I am stuck. It would be hard to leave again, as he is keeping a much closer eye on things. So, my advice is, if and when you leave, DON'T fall for the cr*p and move back in right away, give it LOTS AND LOTS of time, and only try again if the feelings are there. As you might have figured, there is an OM involved in my life, too, and this just confuses matters all the more for me.

Renee

Pages