Hi Pink, First let me say how sorry I am that you are hurting and know how awful a feeling it is. I too have felt the same way about my M as you do. I will be honest though and tell you whenever I was involved either EA or AP, it affected how I felt about my husband. Now I am not in any other relationship so it is easy for me to see the difference. After reading all responses I want to first say I agree with one poster who said you have to make yourself happy, not look to others, especially men. While that seems like an easy thing to do, I know it isnt. Secondly, I feel as if your partner, EA, feels like things get too intense and pulls back, which is very common. He may be feeling as if you want things to go further than he does and he has no intention of ever leaving his live in partner. Whether it is about money or not is really not the issues. I agree with others who say the best thing to do is also distance yourself but remain friends and business partners. No matter how much it hurts, do your best to keep things friendly and civil. He may also know, in the end, that you will get hurt and he is looking ahead and trying to nip that in the bud before it gets more intense. It sounds like he does genuinely care about you. Good luck!
You are really in a tough spot, but I have to say that I disagree w/ your Mom. You can't make life decisions based on how other people will feel about it. It's your life, and you have to live it. Therefore it is imperative that you make decisions based on what makes you happy. The only exception that I give that rule would be of course your children, but you said that your kids are teenagers. If they were younger then I would worry, but they are practically grown.
As far as your AP, I am not sure how honest he is being w/ you, or himself. He's not telling somebody the whole story. How can he be in love w/ you, but say that he would need time alone if he was to leave his W. If he really loves you, he would make an acception to that. I mean that's just my opinion.
As far as not being able to make it financially, well IMO that's a cop out. I knew that I would face financial ruin if I left my H, but I didn't care. I wanted out, and I took whatever came w/ that decision. Yes there are going to be periods where you wonder if you made the right choice, but ultimately you will find stability and contentment. Sometimes we get so comfortable in our everyday lives that we let material things dictate our actions. I wasn't going to be a slave to money or material things anymore. Now, I am a slave to love. lol I guess you trade one vise for another.
I would take a step back from AP and try to get myself together. Make a firm decision on what you want to do. If you choose to stay because of money, then you better get your butt back in school so that you can remedy that problem. If you don't 10 yrs from now nothing will have changed. You know what they always say "If you always do what you've always did, you'll always get what you always got." Never before has there been a truer statement. I hope that you find some level ground where you can think things through clearly. Good Luck.
I have not actually heard those words from my EAP, but I have told both he, and his ex, that if they want to try to reconcile then I will respect that.
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Pink..
I'm sorry you're going through this.
Hi Pink,
I am sorry that you are hurting and that you feel like you have no chance of happiness in your home or personal life.
So I need to ask you gals - is there a pattern that married men follow when they're having an affair with a married woman?
So I need to ask you gals - is there a pattern that married men follow when they're having an affair with a married woman?
I hope you don't mind my adding that,
First let me say how sorry I am that you are hurting and know how awful a feeling it is.
I too have felt the same way about my M as you do. I will be honest though and tell you whenever I was involved either EA or AP, it affected how I felt about my husband. Now I am not in any other relationship so it is easy for me to see the difference.
After reading all responses I want to first say I agree with one poster who said you have to make yourself happy, not look to others, especially men. While that seems like an easy thing to do, I know it isnt.
Secondly, I feel as if your partner, EA, feels like things get too intense and pulls back, which is very common. He may be feeling as if you want things to go further than he does and he has no intention of ever leaving his live in partner. Whether it is about money or not is really not the issues. I agree with others who say the best thing to do is also distance yourself but remain friends and business partners. No matter how much it hurts, do your best to keep things friendly and civil. He may also know, in the end, that you will get hurt and he is looking ahead and trying to nip that in the bud before it gets more intense. It sounds like he does genuinely care about you.
Good luck!
How about when you hear those words "I'm going to try to reconcile with my partner (wife) and see where it goes.
Pink...may I call you Pink?
I'm relieved to see your mention of the children and their radar because finely-tuned radar they possess.
You are really in a tough spot, but I have to say that I disagree w/ your Mom. You can't make life decisions based on how other people will feel about it. It's your life, and you have to live it. Therefore it is imperative that you make decisions based on what makes you happy. The only exception that I give that rule would be of course your children, but you said that your kids are teenagers. If they were younger then I would worry, but they are practically grown.
As far as your AP, I am not sure how honest he is being w/ you, or himself. He's not telling somebody the whole story. How can he be in love w/ you, but say that he would need time alone if he was to leave his W. If he really loves you, he would make an acception to that. I mean that's just my opinion.
As far as not being able to make it financially, well IMO that's a cop out. I knew that I would face financial ruin if I left my H, but I didn't care. I wanted out, and I took whatever came w/ that decision. Yes there are going to be periods where you wonder if you made the right choice, but ultimately you will find stability and contentment. Sometimes we get so comfortable in our everyday lives that we let material things dictate our actions. I wasn't going to be a slave to money or material things anymore. Now, I am a slave to love. lol I guess you trade one vise for another.
I would take a step back from AP and try to get myself together. Make a firm decision on what you want to do. If you choose to stay because of money, then you better get your butt back in school so that you can remedy that problem. If you don't 10 yrs from now nothing will have changed. You know what they always say "If you always do what you've always did, you'll always get what you always got." Never before has there been a truer statement. I hope that you find some level ground where you can think things through clearly. Good Luck.
I have not actually heard those words from my EAP, but I have told both he, and his ex, that if they want to try to reconcile then I will respect that.
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