Desperate And No One To Talk To
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| Fri, 05-21-2004 - 1:35pm |
I have been reading this board for a while and finally have gotten up the nerve to tell my sappy story in the hopes that someone might be able to give me some advice.
I have been married for 2 1/2 years and I am unhappy in the marriage and started having an A with another man. The OM is my 6 year old son's father. He and I have known each other for over 12 years (we lived in the same dorm freshmen year in college and started dating.) The relationship with the OM was always very stormy in the past. For most of the past 12 years I was the OW in relationships he had. We tried moving in together once for our son, but it didn't work out because it seemed forced and we were both immature.
I met my H and married him a few years later after dating him only a few months and after giving up on my OM and deciding to move on. In the past month my OM and I started talking again at our son's soccer games and tiger cub meetings. Now we are meeting for secret happy hours and lunches. We both now realize that we are meant to be together. He has a girlfriend currently. I'm not sure what to do. I am married and my H and I have a 22-month old son. I'm so confused. I love my H as a person, but I am not in love with him anymore. My H and I have a LOT of problems. The A with my OM is only making things worse. I desperately want to be with my OM, but I don't know what to do. I haven't shared any of this with any of my friends or family...I thought this might be a good place to turn.
:(

The problems in your M should be dealt with outside of the A. I too was only M for three years before getting D, but it was clear to me that it was my H that was the problem and didn't have anything to do with wanting to be with someone else. It would be tragic if you left your M only because you want to be with your OM and then the R doesn't work out with the OM leaving you with regrets over leaving your M. I guess what I am getting at is, I think you should be absolutely sure that you would rather be all alone than be in the M with your H first and want to be with your OM second because it may not work out with him again as you do not have the best track record with him, your OM should not be the main reason for deciding to leave. Does that make sense? Have you tried counseling with your H?
I'm not trying to push you to stay in your M, just think it through carefully. My husband was controlling and abusive and I still have days that I think maybe I should've given him more of chance to change by doing the counseling thing.
Take Care.
Brin
Well you know there is say that says "where there was fire ashes remain" and i think that say is so true i mean maybe like you said that back in the days both of you were to young to really get into something more deeper and now that i am sure both of you have had more of a variaty in your plates feel that with eachother you can feel more satisfied. and to feel that just the touch of both of you together makes things soo much better and so much easier to make and do.. Well my advice to you is that as long as you can deal with the "EMA" and feel that you are able to continue with your "H" then you are fine because regardless we all go through the same thing i mean when we are with "MM" we just feel so good and somehow they manage to make things soo much better to make us just want to stay there.. I think behind all of our heads we all have that guilt feeling and "Why we continue to stay in the "EMA" you know why it is its because we just love the way it feels the attention, the drama that comes with it and just the thought that you can actually make someone else feel so special and someone else thinks you are the best thing in the world and actually tell you i think all these things just come so handy.. well just wanted to tell you that we all go through many emotional feelings and as long as we feel that we can deal with "MM & H" and Ohh yeah there "W" we can deal with the world just remember that at anytime we can get caught=)
and we better be ready to face whatever comes with it.. (I Know I'm not ready to get caught:)
Please give me your feedback like we said we are all here to just listen to eachother now that we can talk to anyone else because of course there is many people that do not agree with what we are doing.......