Desperate to make the plunge

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-18-2013
Desperate to make the plunge
Thu, 04-18-2013 - 3:51pm

I was 18, a college freshman when I met him.  He was a junior, though only six months older than I.  I had seen him around campus a few times...gorgeous, young, punk rocker.  Sigh.  My roommate had met him a couple of times, I think she may have introduced me on campus once.  One night my roommate and I ended up at a party and he was there.  I was utterly transfixed.  Could not take my eyes off of him.  I had never felt an attraction like that -- I was only 18! I had one love in high school -- and he was my first everything, kiss, sex...I had been in love with my first for three years before we slept together the first time shortly after my 18th birthday.

Well, back to my college guy -- one party ended, and a few of us moved on to his apartment.  Somebody put "The Knack" on -- remember that song, "Good girls don't, but I do"?  That was on -- god, I will never forget that moment.  "Sid" came over to me.  Gave me his hand, pulled me up from the floor and asked "Do you?" with a mischevious grin and led me to his bedroom.  In moments I was naked in his bed, he was pouring oil over my body...omg, he was something else.  I remember it hurt, and I bled again -- more well-endowed than #1 :-).  Turns out he had a girlfriend back home, we continued an odd "relationship" for the rest of the school year.  He was always a little hot and cold, but we hung out in the same group so spent a lot of time together.  There were several times were we spent the night together and just talked and cuddled, other times when we did have sex. And others when he would act as if he hardly knew me.  He always went for drama -- there was a small party at our apartment once.  He led me out of the room and to the bathroom.  Undressed me and filled the bathtub with water.  Sex in the shower was another first for me.  I do know that during those five months I was the only one he was sleeping with.

He went home for summer, I stayed on campus.  He and his girlfriend (finally!) broke up!  We talked all the time, hours and hours on the phone.  He decided to come to campus for his birthday weekend and stayed with me.  Asked for my eternal devotion and my body for his birthday :-).  We had a great weekend, and he headed home.  And never called.  And so I didn't call him.  When school started and he was back on campus, we were friends and hung out, but we pretended the weekend never happened (I never knew why) and never fooled around again...

And then, last week I got a message from him on Facebook.  I have thought about him many, many times -- and just the other week I was thinking I should check for him on FB but forgot.  I had fallen asleep watching TV, and got up to brush my teeth and wash my face.  Checked FB once more before going to sleep, and there was the message.  I answered right away, he was online and we ended up chatting into the wee hours -- my husband asleep next to me.  He looks amazing -- where he was cute when we were kids, he is achingly sexy now.  He said he has thought about me many times, and often thought to look me up.  He said there were those he doesn't remember, those he would prefer not to remember, and those he remembered very fondly - I being the later. The conversation turned rather quickly, one mention of the oil and we were discussing the possibility of being "discreet" playmates.

We are texting constantly -- well, sexting.  And omg -- the pictures.  He truly looks better than ever. And talking....his voice turned my insides to jello.  I am in a constant state of semi-arousal thinking about him.  Dying to see him, dying to do all of the things we are imagining in our texts.

It is crazy, and it is dangerous.  But there is no way I can NOT see him.  He lives on the other side of the state - I have a plan in place, an excuse, to go out of town next weekend to see him.  He is working on making sure his kids are with his ex that weekend.

He is divorced (twice).  I am married, 19 years.  I had a one night stand in Vegas a couple of years ago.  My husband worships me.  But I am bored -- I was bored before I heard from "Sid"...even more so now.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-18-2013
Thu, 05-23-2013 - 1:28am

I did it, I saw him. :-)

I found a very justifiable reason to make a trip down to his city - one my H was totally supportive of.  The "genuine" part of my trip was great, the alterior motive was also great.  He had been very much on the fence about a sexual relationship due to my married status, but since I was there I told him I really wanted to get together.  We met for drinks...and talked for over two hours.  I really thought I would be leaving on my own when he asked if I would be willing to drive him back (my hotel was 20 minutes away) at 5a so he could be home before his kids woke up.  We got back to my hotel and cuddled and talked for another couple hours.  Anytime I tried to move, he pulled me in tighter.  I wanted to get up and wash my face, when he finally kissed me.  And, that was it. And it was as great as I knew it would be -- actually even better.  And then he draped and wrapped himself around me and we dozed for a few hours...when I would try to move an inch...he would pull me in tighter.

He asked me questions I did not want to answer, made me look at things in a light that I don't want to see, urged me to question every (farce) that I have been basing my life on for the past 20 years....

I am without a doubt unhappy in my marriage, no longer in love with my husband.  So tied professionally with him, and within the community.  We are seen as the perfect couple -- we are great actors....I don;t know if there is a way to make a change and not be together...

Back when I knew "Sid", i had an abhorence for people like the me that I am today-- right friends, right cars, right parties, right clothes....he tells me I am a "Stepford Wife"...and then asks me, "How is that working for you?"  Not so well in reality -- the public facade still looks good. It was so nice to be with someone who knew me before the act...and to just be myself....

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-30-2010
Fri, 05-03-2013 - 12:46pm
If you haven't done so already, please think long & hard before opening up Pandora's box. He's not some random 1 night stand that you'll never see again. "Sid" is someone you were always attracted to and I'm sure you have some type of feelings for him which are not good. Once you take the plunge there is no going back. You'll be so in over your head that your head will spin. Be careful what you wish for and always remain safe. I wish you the best in all you decide.


Much peace & Love,



iVillage Member
Registered: 04-28-2011
Fri, 04-19-2013 - 9:01pm

Whoa... slow down. I'm glad you found an old flame. And I can understand the bored part, but Sid is probably not what he seems. And I'm sure you are curious but please look and look hard before you leap. Divorced twice??? hmmm.