Did I screw things up?
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Did I screw things up?
| Tue, 09-16-2003 - 10:29pm |
I feel like I screwed things up. I started to cry last night while mm was here. I just couldn't seem to hold back my tears. Why the tears? Tears about when he's going to leave. Then he started to cry & of course then I feel like a jerk for upsetting him. He asked me why I would feel bad about that? He said that I have every right to feel the way I do & he doesn't know why I don't bring it up everyday. He said I have every right to say those things to him. He said he just needs to do it, because for one that's what he really wants to do(we've talked about if that is really, really what he wants)& second him putting it off is just hurting me, her, & him. I told him that I feel we just have this same talk every couple of weeks & then he goes home & we don't bring it up again for another couple of weeks. I said I don't want to keep having these talks. He said that I was right, that he leaves here and blocks it all out as much as he can. So he left and I guess rode around for sometime on his motorcycle to think. When I saw him at work today, things seemed different. He seemed upset, mad, I'm not sure exactly. I said something about it while we were working and he said he was just pissed off. That he's always pissed off. I told him that he doesn't seem that way most of the time. I asked why & he said because I can be. I said well I could to, but then life would suck. And he responded that, "well life does suck." I swear I was going to burst into tears right then and there. And I just walked away & started working again. Later during our break, we were alone and he looked at me and winked and I just looked at him and didn't react. He said what no smile for me? I just sat there, not knowing what to say & fighting back my tears. He thought I was mad at him, which I'm not. We talked and he said you're uset because I said life sucks? I said yeah, kinda. He said I don't mean you. Just that I didn't want to get put into this department is one thing, I wish I'd met you before I got married, and just alot of other stuff. Then someone came in. He came by after work and just sat here like a lump. We barely spoke. He kissed me and told me that he loves me & went home just a little bit ago. I asked him last night if he still wanted to go through with leaving. He said yes definately, he would & wants to. He said he doesn't really know what his problem is. I told him he just doesn't know how to start that talk, I understand. Anyhow, things just seemed odd today & I'm so scared they won't go back to normal. I'm hoping that this is just because he know's what he's going to do & is just upset about that. I told him if he doesn't think he can do this, just tell me. He tells me I'm crazy if I think that he'd let me go. I know that he loves me & I hate to see him this way. When I've brought up the subject of us cooling it, he gets upset and sometimes starts to almost cry. He said he doesn't want that at all. He knows that he doesn't want to be there anymore, he's just nervous about leaving. Anyhow, has anyone ever gone through this? How did you handle things? What happened?

What were your expections when you got into this A? Do/did you really expect that he would leave his W? My MM has told me that he is going to get a divorce but it seems that when the opportunity comes up, he has 2nd thoughts. What is your situtation? Why is he nervous about leaving? What is keeping him fron leaving?