Did men disappear from your radar screen

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-19-2004
Did men disappear from your radar screen
15
Thu, 05-27-2004 - 9:53am
?

Here’s my question! Have you stopped noticing other men since you started with your OM/MM? I always thought that when you are with "the one" you wouldn't notice anybody else. That is not the case with me and that gives me doubt that even my current favorite (who is rapidly losing status) is "the one". I am still partial to early 40ish pepper-gray good looking intelligent types.

What is your experience?

Is there a man that exists in this universe that would make me put on the proverbial blinders to everybody else???

Maybe I am just too screwed up :)

PG

Guys on this board, please feel welcome to answer by replacing the “men” part with “women”.

Thanks.


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iVillage Member
Registered: 04-23-2004
Thu, 05-27-2004 - 10:01am
Uh.......nope.

LOL

Don't get me wrong; I'm definitely not interested in pursuing anyone else (one husband and one MM are all I can handle, thankyouverymuch!), but it certainly doesn't stop me from flirting and looking! As a matter of fact, I find myself MORE open to conversations with men now that MM in on the scene. I get great confidence from our relationship, and it spills over into every aspect of my life.

KC

P.S. I don't believe in "the one."

Visitor (not verified)
anonymous user
Thu, 05-27-2004 - 10:19am
Actually the funny thing is I have always been a bit of a flirt. I enjoyed attention from other men, wasn't sure why but it made me feel good. Now since I've been with mm I dont flirt at all and don't have the slightest desire to. I don't even care if another man does a double take anymore.

I'm pretty content with things

:)

dd

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-04-2004
Thu, 05-27-2004 - 10:20am
Short answer: no, such a woman does not exist.


Long answer: my first love at 16 did this. I would see girls at the mall or cruising or whatever and they'd say hi to me. I thought they were being nice. When I got crushed by my first love a year later, girls were still saying hi and finally a friend told me that was flirting. Duh. I just thought they were friendly and I had a friendly face.


When I first got married, I didn't think too much about other women. I was really, really devoted. The less happy I became, the more women I noticed.

Now I'm moving towards the OW, whom I find incredibly sexy and attractive. But to be honest, as our sex life starts to slack... I find other women more and more interesting to look at.

Is there a woman who would make me put on blinders? Yeah, I thought so. I thought OW was going to be it for checking out other women in any meaningful way (well, for the most part; she has a very open sensuality that leads to her making sexual comments about other women from time to time.) But now... who knows? Hopefully things will eventually settle back to where we thought they'd be.

rain

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-19-2004
Thu, 05-27-2004 - 10:41am
Hum.... I couldn't handle more than 2 men in any situation.

As for flirting and looking? I am a bit of a flirt. Love the attention and looks. It is just human instinct to want to be noticed by the opposite or same sex. Noone wants to feel "unattractive". Sexually my MM does it for me.

Since my MM is younger, I notice the younger men.

jen

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-14-2004
Thu, 05-27-2004 - 11:23am
They have! I can still enjoy a nice looking man, but it's never more than a glance since my MM. Had a business associate of my H's hit on me at a cocktail party. Late 30's, very good looking, on the fast track to the top of the corporate ladder. The only thing I could think was, "Pffft! Got something 10x's better than you already. Nice try."

These A's are funny, funny things!

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-24-2003
Thu, 05-27-2004 - 11:59am
Haven't read the other responses yet, so I may be posting the same thing, but here's my take on it.

First of all, we're only human. What's that line, I'm married, not buried?? Finding someone attractive has NOTHING to do with your contentment in your relationship. ACTING upon that attraction does, but recognizing it does not.

Secondly, I think it depends upon your own particular style. Some people are very visual. Others are auditory. Still others are tactile, you see where I'm going with this?? I am MUCH more likely to be 'attracted' to someone with a fabulous voice than if he's got six-pack abs. That was the case with my ex--I heard his voice before I ever saw him and fell in love with him right then and there. And even your visual awareness varies from person to person: When I'm watching SO go through his day, for instance, the things I notice are his arm muscles rippling as he's signing the timesheets, the way his dimples deepen if he really finds something I say to be funny as opposed to the polite laughter he uses if he doesn't. A coworker of ours who doesn't know about us can only talk about his a$$. I don't notice his butt near as much as those other things (don't get me wrong, it *is* a great butt!). I think if you're a visual person, you are bound to notice attractive people regardless of the status of your relationship.

And finally, no...I no longer believe that there is only one 'right' person for everyone and somehow, kismet, fate, the gods, whoever, will bring you together. I think there are many right people in your life. For sanity sake, it's probably better if those of us on this board found those right people at separate times, lol, but finding them at the same time doesn't make either of them any less 'right' for you.

Lucky

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-07-2003
Thu, 05-27-2004 - 12:16pm
yeppers, they did dissappear for a while. Now they all seem to be popping up all over the place... LOL Not that I am interested in an another other (LOL) -- gosh, that would be the ultimate nightmare. I don't know anout "the one" theory except it did seem to work for neo and trinity in "The Matrix". :-)

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-26-2004
Thu, 05-27-2004 - 12:17pm
Hey I'm one with a OW, who is starting to remove my blinders already. So I guess in my case I always have the wandering eye. Just rarely I do something about it. I was with OW yesterday. The first time we did it, it was so memorable, that I couldn't think of a better one. Last night it wasn't that great for me and a month has spanned since our last physical contact. You can say my blinders are deteriorating.
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-02-2003
Thu, 05-27-2004 - 1:24pm
I never stop looking. OW has been very distant lately so I went to the gym at the most busy time just to look at all the women in their tight workout shorts to get my mind off her. It really helped. BTW - I fit that description - was that you I caught looking at me lol??
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-16-2003
Thu, 05-27-2004 - 1:25pm
Philly, WTF??? I thought you graduated from this board.... What happened???

Did men dissappear?? Sure they did. Honey, I can't handle more than two men at a time. No harm in looking though, if the looks are harmless. Just bcoz you are married doesn't mean you can't look. Just don't act on it would be my advice. Anyway, I am hardly the person who picks a man because he appeared on my screen. He has to do lot more than that for me. ;)

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