Did you actively choose your A?

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-21-2010
Did you actively choose your A?
23
Thu, 08-19-2010 - 5:01pm

I am just curious as to how many of us here are in an A by actively seeking it out. I know that I am probably in the minority, but there has got to more than me...I hope:-)


So...my first A...10 months now...I consider it an EA now because we haven't seen each other since January and that was the only time since we met...was a complete accident. Well...not an accident, LOL, of course I made the decision to pursue things...but it was something that I was not out looking for. It happened on a business trip and one thing led to another.

Following that I realized that my M was lacking something...still figuring out what...and I realized that I liked the feelings that having someone new in my life brought out in me. So..I actively sought out the next A. I joined AM...and jumped right in to affairland with my eyes wide open!


So...anyone else?

LouLou

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2010
Thu, 08-19-2010 - 5:42pm

I actively sought out my first A.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2010
Thu, 08-19-2010 - 5:49pm

Yes and No.


Since I actually

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-18-2008
Thu, 08-19-2010 - 7:38pm

AM is how I began my affair as well.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-18-2008
Thu, 08-19-2010 - 7:40pm

I can relate to your post!!!

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-29-2010
Thu, 08-19-2010 - 8:07pm

I didn't go looking in the sense that I answered personal ads or looked through any. But I was open to it. I knew I was open to it. I may have been sort of "looking" at the possible choices.

My first A, sort of just happened (but not really, I don't like "just happened".) I wasn't looking. But I had to take the steps necessary to get to an A. There are SO many, when you think about it. You don't go from friend or co-worker to having sex without all those steps - each one a conscious choice along the way.

Proud to be a





You've got a lot of choices. If getting out of bed in the morning is a chore and you're not smiling on a regular basis, try another choice. ~Steven D. Woodhull

Proud to be a





You've

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-25-2007
Thu, 08-19-2010 - 8:19pm

I think I did seek out 'something' from another man.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-27-2010
Thu, 08-19-2010 - 8:33pm

Goodness, Bird...you and I are SO much alike!!! Ok...I was sort of the same...thinking I might like something from another man, and ours also started w/ e-mail being used like IM. The beginning of our A's are SO similar.


I guess I fall somewhere in the middle...in the beginning, I didn't activley pursue it, but once we started e-mailing back/forth there was no denying where it was headed and I was HOOKED :) We also got lost in conversations **about everything and nothing** for hours. The verbal sparring is intoxicating and we have such a good time. I also made some very conscious decisions along the way and like Bird said about H being comfortable w/ her being a little girl...SAME thing for me...AP brings out so much in me that has been waiting to come out. H is just not real receptive to "her" LOL!! And I can't for the life of me figure out why, but it has made me feel a little rejected by him. **SIGH** married young and H did get a little girl...ok, not really, but I was young and inexperienced.

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-25-2007
Thu, 08-19-2010 - 9:03pm

LOL Kimber ...yep I certainly relate to you very much and it's actually uncanny how similar some of the stuff is with you and I.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-28-2010
Thu, 08-19-2010 - 9:44pm
I guess I also pursued the EA I am involved in now. We became friendly at work,not coworkers, but working in the same bldg. We talked when we bumped into each other, then starting looking for each other to talk. I then realized that I was thinking about him more and more and curious about him. I took a chance and gave a flirty response to an email he sent and he flirted back. That opened the door for me to flirt more and be more assertive with him and telling him what I wanted. He has always been receptive to me and occasionally will start the flirting, but it is more me pursuing and seeking this out. I never thought about having an A, but I know what I'm doing makes me feel things I haven't felt for a long time with H and I am hooked now.
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-31-2010
Thu, 08-19-2010 - 9:48pm

I didn't seek it out as in I'm going to find someone to have an affair with. AP and I worked together on a project and needed to be in contact. He needed something for the project that he couldn't get a hold of. I had the "hook up" to get it, got it and told him he owed me. He sent me a text back that said "What do I owe you ;)" And that's how it started. It's been full of highs and lows.

I left out of state for a huge work project for 6/7 weeks and it really died down then, I posted I was pretty sure I was over it. I've been home for about 3 weeks now and it has certainly picked up. By him. I pulled away, letting it dwindle, because I was really done. In the past week I've seen him 5 times. He's putting much more effort into seeing me and while things aren't very far physically it is being discussed very frequently - logistics, consequences, protection, things like that.

I'm not sure where its going. We start another project together in about 5 weeks so we will see what happens then.

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