Did you actively choose your A?

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-21-2010
Did you actively choose your A?
23
Thu, 08-19-2010 - 5:01pm

I am just curious as to how many of us here are in an A by actively seeking it out. I know that I am probably in the minority, but there has got to more than me...I hope:-)


So...my first A...10 months now...I consider it an EA now because we haven't seen each other since January and that was the only time since we met...was a complete accident. Well...not an accident, LOL, of course I made the decision to pursue things...but it was something that I was not out looking for. It happened on a business trip and one thing led to another.

Following that I realized that my M was lacking something...still figuring out what...and I realized that I liked the feelings that having someone new in my life brought out in me. So..I actively sought out the next A. I joined AM...and jumped right in to affairland with my eyes wide open!


So...anyone else?

LouLou
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-28-2010
Thu, 08-19-2010 - 9:52pm
Bird, I have a question for you, since you are many years ahead of me in your EA. Did you both ever define your EA? I mean did you and AP label it as such? I consider myself to be in an EA based on what I've read they are all about, but I'm not sure if AP thinks so. My guess is he thinks we are friends and it wouldn't be an A unless it turned physical, therefore he is not technically in an A. I just wonder how you deal with it being more one sided for one person than the other-not that it isn't an EA, but that both of you may not consider it an EA. He and I both know there is something more than just friendship because we don't behave with our other friends like we behave with one another. He also knows how I feel about him and that I want a PA and he continues to spend time with me, so there is some interest there, or curiosity and he is letting it get more intense. Just interested in your thoughts since I am in a similar spot.
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-27-2010
Thu, 08-19-2010 - 9:55pm

Sorry for a bit of a hijack LouLou :)


Bird, mine doesn't come right out and tell me, either!

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-03-2010
Fri, 08-20-2010 - 11:17am
No, I didn't.

anotherseyes

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-01-2007
Fri, 08-20-2010 - 11:31am

Man's perspective here ... I actively chose a PA that has rapidly escalated into an EA. I'll be honest, I was just looking for sex -- but I can't have sex without some sort of connection, I have to know the person at least a bit.

Well,due to scheduling differences it was hard for us to arrange a first-time in-person meeting, so we chatted online for quite a while before we ever saw each other face to face. That laid the foundation for us ... the first couple of meetings were primarily physical, but soon became much more. We're still trying to figure out where this is going, but right now it's fun (if not a bit confusing at the same time).

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-11-2010
Fri, 08-20-2010 - 3:18pm

I have 2 MM in my life right now.
MM#1 asked out, we work together,I was not sure if he was married on our first date but he told me on our second about his marriage and where he stood with her. It was my choice to keep our "friendship" going past the friendship stage that a married man should have.

MM#2 was mainly all me, hurt from MM#1 going a wall on me for a little while, knowing he always had a thing for me and wanting to feel wanted. I emailed him that I was getting a divorce and too see if he could "help" me out with something (he works in the field) Gave him my cell phone number told him to call anytime. About 2 weeks went buy when I got a text from him. He had stopped checking his emails weekly but would help me out any way he could. Well being a huge flirt it was not long before he knew I was interested in more then just catching up on old times.

Just drop little hints is all I really did that worked darn well on my MM#2. We all can read men they do not keep there thoughts to them self very long from what I have seen when it comes to sex it is hard for a comment not to slip.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-30-2010
Fri, 08-20-2010 - 4:13pm

I think I was looking for an A subconsciously. I don't want to say it just happened because like Lexi said it takes several steps for it to get there so I won't go in that direction. The sad thing is that I had plenty of chances to not go through with it but did it anyway. I remember wanting to have something physical just for the fun, for the thrill, to feel desired and alive again. I guess all those thoughts I kept having attracted me to AP. There he was available and I tempting him knowing d@mn well what I could do to wheel him in. Not that it took much because he was interested in me period but boy....talk about "be careful what you wish for". I've learned that there are things in life that you may want but just because you want them it doesn't mean that there good for you.


 


Much peace & Love,


Rayne


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iVillage Member
Registered: 06-25-2007
Fri, 08-20-2010 - 7:11pm

Jerseygirl ...I almost fell off my sofa when I read your question! LOL Where to start?! What a history with that one!


(sorry this may be a bit of a hijack)


Ok, I'm not sure what it is you're looking for so here goes.

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-25-2007
Fri, 08-20-2010 - 7:19pm

Ohhhhhhhhhh .......KIMBER!!! LOL ... I am not crazy after all! Thank you ...thank you ...thank yooouuuuu!! :-)


"He'll talk about anything emotional all day, but bring up emotions and "us" --clams up! It used to drive me BATTY!!"


LOL ...yep.

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-02-2010
Fri, 08-20-2010 - 8:08pm


.....you don't go from friend or co-worker to having sex without all those steps - each one a conscious choice along the way..

lexi as usual you are damn right .

loulou2010 , sorry but your question doesn't seem logical , there isn't a single case where someone accidently starts seeing his/her ap secretly or end up in bed together all of a sudden.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-03-2010
Sat, 08-21-2010 - 2:39am
It makes perfect sense, IMO.

anotherseyes