Didn't think I'd ever get so low... :-(

Avatar for mikkolover
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-24-2003
Didn't think I'd ever get so low... :-(
4
Thu, 10-30-2003 - 4:29am
I just feel so bad inside. I know its best to end it, and i really appreciated everyones advice and input. I always felt i wasn't getting enough from him, with his mom dying etc.. and his W and 2 girls, and my M, but yesterday was 2 months since the day we met, and yeah although short, somethings happen fast and feel so intense for the time it lasts, and its magical.

Called him on tues morning, told him all, that i am choosing me, and that i never asked for much, a text message a day, maybe an email or call a week, not much, especially in the beginning when he was sending 10 text messages a day, and 2 emails a week, but he was in a meeting and couldn't talk, but said that he didn't want to end this, that he wasn't ready to loose me. I told him maybe in a few years we will meet up at a family gathering.. although doubtful, but then we can say hi.. said he would call that night, tues, after 7.

By 10:30 i sent him a text saying that i said i all i needed to that day and that i am glad he has agreed with me with his silence. That we could have been so damn good together, but that neither one of us deserves this..

at 11:30, he says he got a call from his brother this afternoon, 'that it wasn't going good with his mom, so he has been there. Will text later, thanks for all, bye'

so its thursday afternoon and i am crazy with missing him.. not that i had much of him before, but at least it was my frustration and pain and it was there. now there is just this hold. a big, fat empty hole that is still waiting to hear his reasons for letting this go. That wants to f'ing call him, that wants to hold him to his promises of not ending it without a 'proper' discussion, that thinks its too easy for him again.. that wants to buy a ticket and fly to him... even though he is not only a 3+ hr flight away, but also 3+ hr drive to the airport in NL... i am going crazy, and miss him.. stupid me right.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-06-2003
Thu, 10-30-2003 - 12:35pm
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Edited 9/20/2004 2:02 pm ET ET by seansluv
Avatar for nomoreregrets
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Thu, 10-30-2003 - 12:42pm
I don't mean to sound cold and heartless but For Christ sakes the man's Mother is on her death bed. Why add to his misery right now with making him choose. I say let him take care of his family, be there as a friend if and when he needs to talk. Just my 2 cents! NMR
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-18-2003
Thu, 10-30-2003 - 1:14pm
I totally agree with NMR!!! What are you doing, Mikkolover??!!!!! Give the guy some slack. Think of how obsessed you probably are with him and how it effects how you often you call, say, your mother. That is how HE is about his own obsession with his mom's life and death struggle. Write the guy a text or email telling him that you are sorry and that you feel badly for pushing him when he is so upset over his mom and tell him that you will be there for him when he needs you.

Gosh!!

Avatar for mikkolover
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-24-2003
Fri, 10-31-2003 - 2:43am
thanks you guys, i know i am a mess, just had him for a few min chatting, he sounds like a wreck.. i miss him, and this hurts, but still want to be there for him.. thanks a lot for all the input..