Didn't think I'd ever get so low... :-(
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| Thu, 10-30-2003 - 4:29am |
Called him on tues morning, told him all, that i am choosing me, and that i never asked for much, a text message a day, maybe an email or call a week, not much, especially in the beginning when he was sending 10 text messages a day, and 2 emails a week, but he was in a meeting and couldn't talk, but said that he didn't want to end this, that he wasn't ready to loose me. I told him maybe in a few years we will meet up at a family gathering.. although doubtful, but then we can say hi.. said he would call that night, tues, after 7.
By 10:30 i sent him a text saying that i said i all i needed to that day and that i am glad he has agreed with me with his silence. That we could have been so damn good together, but that neither one of us deserves this..
at 11:30, he says he got a call from his brother this afternoon, 'that it wasn't going good with his mom, so he has been there. Will text later, thanks for all, bye'
so its thursday afternoon and i am crazy with missing him.. not that i had much of him before, but at least it was my frustration and pain and it was there. now there is just this hold. a big, fat empty hole that is still waiting to hear his reasons for letting this go. That wants to f'ing call him, that wants to hold him to his promises of not ending it without a 'proper' discussion, that thinks its too easy for him again.. that wants to buy a ticket and fly to him... even though he is not only a 3+ hr flight away, but also 3+ hr drive to the airport in NL... i am going crazy, and miss him.. stupid me right.

Edited 9/20/2004 2:02 pm ET ET by seansluv
Gosh!!