Difficult Day - Memories

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-15-2004
Difficult Day - Memories
6
Tue, 03-30-2004 - 7:41am
Despite everything I'm going through right now, breakup of A, plus unsettled homelife due to H knowing everything, I can't seem to help missing MM. I have this dull ache that just won't go away. I am posting here right now, in order to keep myself from emailing him. I should probably be on the Ending Affair Support, but you guys are more familiar to me, and I like it here.

Anyway, I've been awake since 3am, can't sleep, and all the memories of my times with MM, things said, keep running through my head. It's not as though my A ended on bad terms - maybe if it had, this would be easier.

Memories are nice, just wish they weren't so painful right now! Thanks for listening.

Red




Edited 4/22/2004 9:00 am ET ET by red_bella

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-22-2003
Wed, 03-31-2004 - 8:10am
Hey Red! Saw this post yesterday but didn't have a chance to respond. I don't have any words of wisdom for you, but I wanted to let you know that I understand what you are going through. I'm dealing with similar issues myself. The M is definitely unsettled, although DH is trying to improve things. I'm still talking to MM, but we can't talk the way we used to. I miss him terribly. It is definitely very hard. I guess all we can do is try to get through each day and hope that time will heal.

((((HUGS))))

Hang in there!!!

GB2

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-09-2003
Wed, 03-31-2004 - 8:15am
Hi Red, I also just read this too. Its always hard to stop thinking about MM, thoughts just seem to swirl around your head all the time.And then you re-read and re-think everything he's said to you, every nice thing, everything that could have a hidden meaning.

But it doesn't change the fact that he is M, so are you. I think its really unfair for them to say these things to you, and get your hope up and make you want/love them even more, when there's no way you can really have them!!

My MM doesn't say things like that to me, and in a way I am glad. I get too attached too easily, and I know I would be DYING if we had to break up and he had said those things to me.

The things your MM said to you were very sweet and I'm sure the thoughts of them will make you sad now, but hopefully someday they will give you a little comfort, that once upon a time, you had a special love, and it was really great.

Dusty
xxxx
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-11-2004
Wed, 03-31-2004 - 10:04am
Dusty I understand your point as to why he should not tell her those things but obviously he truly cares for her. I am a MM in A with a MW and fell completely head over heals for and according to her she did the same. We talked about everything and when you are in love the "What ifs" are sure to come out. I told her I wish it would of been her. We are more compatible in every level. I did not mind hearing that she had more passion with me then with H. I do not think she minded me telling her no other woman has made me feel the way she does and that I regreted not meeting her sooner.

Red I know you must be going through hell right now with all the memories because I am currently in NC and she is all I think about. You never know one day your paths may cross again together but be happy that you shared a wonderful love with a wonderful man who made you come alive (I know that is harder said then done).

My prayers and thoughts are with you because my heart sure knows the suffering.

Hugs and Kisses

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-15-2004
Wed, 03-31-2004 - 11:30am
Thank you so much.

Everyday brings along new feelings and emotions. I guess I can look forward to good days and bad days for a while.

On a positive note, my H and I are communicating very well. He really is being amazing and I'm not sure if I could be so understanding if the shoe was on the other foot.

He did make me cry a bit this morning, when he wrote to me:

"I do know you love me.

You also still love XXXX and according to what you have written (now don't get me wrong) because this is what makes me the saddest, he's your true soul mate and I'm your husband. Remember I know that you do truly love me just not the same way.I've always thought of you as my best friend ,lover ,&soul mate . And you can only ever have one soul mate,.

I to want to move forward with our relationship . It just seems to me that

with this realization there will always be a part of you I can never have."

I really should count myself lucky to have both of these wonderful men in my life - and believe me, I do!

Thanks for the support. As always, I'm thinking of you all.

Red

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-10-2004
Wed, 03-31-2004 - 12:01pm

You're right. Memories are nice and painful.


I posted yesterday about how hard this is (the A). I'm trying a NC mode with him (5 days today if I don't fall)because I'm tired of His NC modes. Yeah, it's "OK" when he does it, but I'm not supposed to do it. I'm supposed to answer

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-29-2003
Wed, 03-31-2004 - 11:54pm
Hey there girlfriend, I know how your heart is breaking. Just wish I could say something to comfort you. It's almost like a death, and you are literally in mourning. I know you are feeling guilt for your H too. The sad part about A's when they end is that your emotions cannot seem to accept it. I really give your H a lot of credit. Mine would never be (not in a million years), as understanding as yours. Still you must realize that there was something missing at home, to make you vulnerable to an A in the first place. I think your H knows that, as well and thus is trying his hardest. I'm sorry for the pain you are feeling. I hope tomorrow is a better day, and with each one comes a renewed sense of direction and strength for you. Your in my thoughts. Hugs, Virgogirl