disapointments?

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-17-2003
disapointments?
11
Fri, 12-19-2003 - 6:48am
I was supposed to me MM for lunch yesterday,but he cancled.. Work.. This A just started and Im still getting a feel for him... He seemed genuinly upset he had to cancel..My question is this..How do you handle the disapointments?!?!.. Im sure there will be more to come.. I know there are somethings that are just unavoidable.. but how do you deal ?!?... Do u just accept and move on?.. is this all part of it?....Is this something I should get used to now, before i get in deeper?.. thanks a bunch :)..vix

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iVillage Member
Registered: 12-05-2003
In reply to: vixen0000
Fri, 12-19-2003 - 1:27pm
Hi Vixen -

There are so many disappointments in an *A*. I know how terrible it feels when you get yourself psyched up to see your *MM* or *OM*, and then it ends up falling through. The only thing you can do, is just think about the next time you will be able to see him and that will make you feel better. You just have to ask yourself if the happiness that you feel when you do see him outweighs the disappointments . For me, the disappointments are just part of having an *A*. Good luck to you. Keep smiling! :)
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-16-2003
In reply to: vixen0000
Fri, 12-19-2003 - 2:00pm
Hey Sweetie - welcome to having an A. There are days I think I end up hurting more then feeling good but I made my decision. Only you can decide if you can handle the disappointments - and there will be many. I feel for you and the great thing is, we have this spot to come to and be understood. Support is a wonderful thing being in this situation. Hang in there.
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-09-2003
In reply to: vixen0000
Fri, 12-19-2003 - 2:46pm
You'll probably have to get thru many last minute cancellations, that's part of the A. But the next time you do get together, it will be great!! Luckily today was a wonderful afternoon for me, we met at our hotel. Yippy!! A little special get together before the next 2 weeks of NC. Anyways, best wishes to you!!
xxxx
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
In reply to: vixen0000
Fri, 12-19-2003 - 2:50pm
LUCKY DUSTY!! enjoy, enjoy, enjoy it sweetie.

gurl




Edited 2/18/2004 10:31:35 AM ET by gurlfriend50
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-09-2003
In reply to: vixen0000
Fri, 12-19-2003 - 2:53pm
Hey Gurl, I hope you and MM are both feeling better next week and have your get together!! Mine was terrific, we didn't get a chance last week, and with the holidays coming up ... well all I got to say is, that should see me thru to 2004!!
xxxx
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
In reply to: vixen0000
Fri, 12-19-2003 - 2:57pm
wow, that's what i want, some lovin' to carry me through!!

you have a wonderful christmas dusty!

gurl




Edited 2/18/2004 10:31:01 AM ET by gurlfriend50
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-09-2003
In reply to: vixen0000
Fri, 12-19-2003 - 3:31pm
Thanks gurl!! You have a wonderful Christmas too and everyone else too!!
xxxx
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-21-2003
In reply to: vixen0000
Fri, 12-19-2003 - 11:46pm
HI Vixen...

Easiest way that I found to deal with the disappointments is to find something to do when that happens, go shopping, out with family or friends etc. Changes in plans are bound to happen more than we want them to. Our MM/OM have other responsibilities and for that matter so do we.

We have had to adjust scheduled meetings due to sick kids, no school that day etc.

I think it will always be a part of an EMA, so my advice would be to accept it and try not to overthink it. If it gets more than you can deal with then its time to rethink your A.

BUT THATS JUST MY OPINION..

Hope that helps

SB

 Seeburg    

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-18-2003
In reply to: vixen0000
Sat, 12-20-2003 - 2:03am
I consider myself an optimist but whenever I'm looking forward to seeing him I always brace myself for something to get in the way. That way it makes the disappointment easier to deal with. In my situation I just face the fact that I'm on a list and sometimes things are not going to go my way. If it gets too much for me I just try to remember that he is married and it comes with the territory. It really SUCKS sometimes but what else can you do?
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-24-2003
In reply to: vixen0000
Sat, 12-20-2003 - 7:45pm
It's all a learning curve, Vix. Yes, there's plenty of disappointment along this path. It's not a journey for the feint of heart or for those not willing to learn to harden theirs a little. But it's also a road filled with wonders that outshine the Rocky Mountains or the Grand Canyon. There is true, unadulterated (no pun intended!) joy to be had here. There's a thread that I started some time ago entitled what did your A teach you about yourself. I notice that even though it's months old, there is someone posting on it often enough to keep it on this first screen. That should tell you something.

Most of us just buck up and carry on. Cancelled dates is part of it, because by the very nature of affairs, we can't tell our spouse or boss that, gee, hey, no can do. Can't make it to the whatever, gotta meet my boy/girlfriend. There are obligations in our 'other life' that must be met or else we'd open ourselves up to suspicion. I don't expect that any of us like it, but we've realized that the good outweighs the bad and the things one takes note of in a 'normal' relationship to judge if it's going well can't possibly be the same things we judge in an affair. There are basics to both, of course, respect, friendship, etc. But if the good does not outweigh the bad or there's no respect, then it's time to move on. And like so many other difficult issues in our lives, only you know the real story.

I'd give him time. That's one thing I'm learning...patience. Again, the pace is different in an affair, so some things you will learn about each other very early on, simply because there's precious little time together so you try to make the most of it. Other things you may not pick up on as quickly, because there's precious little time together so you don't generally get to see his reactions to the same expanse of situations that you would in a 'normal' relationship.

Good luck, hope you learn to hang with it. HTH

Lucky

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