Disappearing Act
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Disappearing Act
| Thu, 12-04-2008 - 6:05pm |
Why is it that when these guys get scared they just disappear? I can't stand it. I thought I was really getting somewhere w/AP & having him open up some. He admitted that he was staying away b/c W was not attentive to him whereas I am (emotionally---this is not PA). We exchanged some very nice emails 2 weekend ago & then he stopped emailing. I do know he's scared but can't he at least say he's got to back off? I know, I know, you'll say actions speak louder than words but I'm not looking for that crap. I don't want the reality check.
Just tell me if you've got through this too where he just disappears at the drop of a hat & when he reappears it's like he was never gone.

Yes, when I was involved in an affair, he would do those things. Just disappear, no word, no nothing. And, yes, when he reappeared, he would act like it was no big deal. Actually, he would act like I should feel sorry for him. But this guy was/still is a professional "victim". Everything is always somebody else's fault, and he's the poor long-suffering one. Ugh. But in hindsight, I can see that it all just goes with the territory. They do it because they can. And there's nothing you can do about it because your place as an AP is really no place at all on their list of accountability.
>>>"where he just disappears at the drop of a hat & when he reappears it's like he was never gone."<<<
Why would you put up with someone like that? That's so disrespectful and inconsiderate. Don't you think you deserved for him to let you know what's going on instead of just letting you hang like that?
"People spend a lifetime searching for happiness; looking for peace. They chase idle dreams, addictions, religions, even other people, hoping to fill the emptiness that plagues them. The irony is the only place they ever needed to search was within."
- Ramona L. Anderson
"be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind"---Dr. Seuss
"be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind"---Dr. Seuss
Just thought I would remind you that lots of men do disappearing acts, particularly in the first few months.
Jilly
I think as women, we grow as we learn and when we know better we do better - or at least hopefully we do :). I agree with the last poster, there are definitely things about A's that are unlike anything else. But, in other ways, the relationship part is similar. Men do tend to pull away, especially at the beginning. They are all into you, excited by the newness, the fun, things are going well, then there is a little pause. It is like a defense mechanism for them, or a refocusing on themselves, a recentering of their life back to sports, their guy friends and a bunch of underwear on the floor (and I DO love guys for ALL of those things :) ). The old, insecure me used to absolutely panic at that point, convincing myself that he is having second thoughts, met someone else, replaying every conversation in my head, never letting the phone out of my site in case he makes contact, etc.etc.....Now, I let it be. I don't contact him. I do other things...go to the gym, start a good book, hang with friends, work some overtime, shop, get my hair done....in other words...go on with life. And here's the key to knowing you've REALLY put your big girl panties on....you ENJOY those things while you are doing them. He'll be back in a couple of days and probably dig you for not invading his personal time. Don't make this more stressful than it has to be. Guys are guys are guys....and they like space. We like to smother. Let's meet somewhere in the middle.
That being said.....an absence to the point of rudeness or inconsideration is unacceptable.