Disbelief/Divorce

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-14-2009
Disbelief/Divorce
11
Fri, 08-14-2009 - 6:31pm

I’m sure all of you have heard my situation dozens of times.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 04-23-2007
In reply to: ahuxley
Fri, 08-14-2009 - 7:04pm

Hey ahuxley, a long time ago I had an A and after three months of being with this unbelievable man I left. I didn't leave to be with my AP at that time, I left because I just didn't love my XH anymore plus the fact that he was abusive. I left with two small children. Many years later I am now M to that unbelievable man and I don't regret for one second that I left that awful M and set my XH free as well as myself. It was extremly hard and there was a lot of anger, confusion and stuff we had to go through. Divorce is very hard and raising kids on your own is hard but the piece of mind I got when I left my XH outweighed all of our struggles. I recommend that you don't tell your H that you have met someone else. I didn't tell mine, I just left (or put him out), but me and my honey were so in to each other that we couldn't stay away from each other. Although I was living alone we would spend almost every night together. That was also hard because I hid him from my kids (who were toddlers at the time) and my family and XH. I told my XH that I just didn't want to be M to him any more. After about six months when I formally introduced my honey to my family and my XH found out, my XH accused me of having an A while we were still M. I never admitted it but I know that he knew. I really didn't care. The most difficult thing for me was my XH anger. As I stated before, he was always abusive but when I left OMG he really went on the attack. Thank God for the police. Another difficult thing was that my XH was the bread winner. I did have a career but I was a school teacher and you know that kind of salary is just peanuts. I ended up going back to school later and now have a better career but those years after I left were a struggle.


Follow your heart, but realize that you are in for a long, hard road both with your H and his W and your children. It can be done. My honey and I have been M a long time now and I still know that he is my soul mate and I don't regret for one second taking the leap of faith to be with him. I think it is more honorable to just leave someone if you are not happy rather than stay and continue to cheat on them. It's just not fair to the other person.

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-14-2009
In reply to: ahuxley
Fri, 08-14-2009 - 7:30pm

What a great success story.

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-30-2008
In reply to: ahuxley
Sat, 08-15-2009 - 10:43pm

"I would really appreciate any comments you might have from those of you that have been through divorce.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-02-2004
In reply to: ahuxley
Sun, 08-16-2009 - 12:26pm

AH,


You have made the right decision and I can assure you your D will have a minimal impact on your daugher.

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-14-2009
In reply to: ahuxley
Sun, 08-16-2009 - 1:40pm

Curious543, I can’t tell you how much I appreciate your response.

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-27-2006
In reply to: ahuxley
Mon, 08-17-2009 - 11:27am

Best of luck to you.

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-16-2009
In reply to: ahuxley
Mon, 08-17-2009 - 1:38pm
Only you can know the full details of your situation and make the decision about divorce. I didn't see anyone reply who adressed the full impact your divorce *may* have on your young daughter. Another post advised you that your divorce will have a minimal impact on her. That is simply UNTRUE. Her views of the world and relationships will be altered by this experience. I am not saying you can't help her adjust well, but there are likely going to be lifelong issues for her to deal with. I am speaking from the experience of being in your daughter's shoes - being a young child when my parents divorced. If you choose to pursue this course of action, do whatever it takes to make sure her relationship with her father remains close and healthy. Make sure her daddy stays in her life. (assuming he's a good dad) I lost my daddy relationship with my father when my parents divorced and I can't impress upon you enough how this loss has impacted my life. I wish you the best and please, go down this road with your eyes open. This is not an easy path, especially with a child. I ended my first marriage happily, yet it was still very soul-wrenching. Do your best to not be distracted by other relationships and be fully present with your daughter. You do need to offer her your undivided attention if you put her through this transition, she simply won't understand why things are changing and will likely think she's to blame.
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-29-2006
In reply to: ahuxley
Mon, 08-17-2009 - 4:09pm
I haven't been through this myself, but you could also try posting this on Surviving Divorce & Separation

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iVillage Member
Registered: 08-14-2009
In reply to: ahuxley
Mon, 08-17-2009 - 8:17pm

Thanks martialartsmom.

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-14-2009
In reply to: ahuxley
Mon, 08-17-2009 - 8:27pm

Hey notme.

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