divorce, AP, what do you do.

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-19-2008
divorce, AP, what do you do.
42
Tue, 04-21-2009 - 4:20pm
i guess the word came up again for my AP. he was talking to me over the weekend about it, then mentioned it again today. it's not him, but his spouse. i guess she's trying to push it. i just listen, but asked for the reasons today. when he told me, i kind of started yelling into the phone. the reasons are ridiculous. i want to help him some how. i'm not sure what i can do for him. his concern is for his kids and what this would do to them. i try to say to him things to try to make his marriage work. i told him how sad it is if his marriage falls apart. it's so sad if this where to come to be. i asked him if he was still going to marriage counseling. he told me he is going to try to go back. i want to see him save his marriage for those kids.
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-11-2005
Wed, 04-22-2009 - 1:19am

Just to fill you in a little on some of the back story.

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-19-2008
Wed, 04-22-2009 - 7:28am
thank you i appreciate it. i'm still unemployed, the job market is tough. some positions i've been offered where over an hours drive away paying less then i was making before. to me economical wise, i turned the positions down. i wont be getting ahead. my AP will find something to. to add, i don't think his wife is one to make empty threats.
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-06-2008
Wed, 04-22-2009 - 10:13am

Hi Tori,


I totally agree with memorysong.

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-19-2008
Wed, 04-22-2009 - 10:32am
i doubt he's distracted. i know i don't even cross his mind during the day. we talk 2 to 3 times a week, and the rest of the time it's about his kids and his wife. i don't cross his mind at all like he crosses mine.
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-13-2006
Wed, 04-22-2009 - 1:32pm
How do you know this? How can you be so sure? What they tell us and do are often polar opposites.
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-19-2008
Wed, 04-22-2009 - 4:30pm
after 2 years f knowing him, i can say that with confidence. he's not obsessed with me and happy with the way things are. in doing so, i don't cross his mind. he's busy with his life until we talk again, or see one another. men are not like women, they don't think about their AP, very rarely do they.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-07-2009
Wed, 04-22-2009 - 5:00pm

Thanks!

maystone
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-06-2007
Wed, 04-22-2009 - 5:04pm

"men are not like women, they don't think about their AP, very rarely do they."


Tori, you complain a lot about people "generalizing", so why would you make such a statement?

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-05-2007
Wed, 04-22-2009 - 5:13pm

I agree with obxbell. Tori that was a huge generalization.

You know, I have male friends that tell me just the opposite is true, so I have to say while it might be true for your OM, it isn't for all men.

~Shadowz
~Shadowz
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-19-2008
Thu, 04-23-2009 - 7:52am
alright maybe that was an over generalization. just speaking of my situation, the reason why i can say this is, after we talk or maybe see one another, well then our own lives is what becomes important. his life, his children and his wife is what matters. he doesn't think of me. he puts me away in a little part of his brain so it doesn't interfere in his life. they are 2 very seperate parts of his life. i don't obsess over him, yes at one time i use to. he was always on my mind. now i can put him away to. he doesn't interfere with my life.