divorce, AP, what do you do.

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-19-2008
divorce, AP, what do you do.
42
Tue, 04-21-2009 - 4:20pm
i guess the word came up again for my AP. he was talking to me over the weekend about it, then mentioned it again today. it's not him, but his spouse. i guess she's trying to push it. i just listen, but asked for the reasons today. when he told me, i kind of started yelling into the phone. the reasons are ridiculous. i want to help him some how. i'm not sure what i can do for him. his concern is for his kids and what this would do to them. i try to say to him things to try to make his marriage work. i told him how sad it is if his marriage falls apart. it's so sad if this where to come to be. i asked him if he was still going to marriage counseling. he told me he is going to try to go back. i want to see him save his marriage for those kids.
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-19-2008
Thu, 04-23-2009 - 7:54am
like i said i know that statement was out of line. men are different then women.
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-19-2008
Thu, 04-23-2009 - 8:03am
we spoke yest, and he said it's a very volatile situation. i told him i hate to see this happening, and for the childrens sake, i hate to see divorce. broken homes are horribe. no matter what any one says,children don't really recover like people say, they do act out. he also said it's very hard to be with someone when they act out towards you. his marriage has been troubled from the first year they where married. it's still in the honey moon stage so speak. it saddens me.
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-05-2007
Thu, 04-23-2009 - 10:03am

<<< no matter what any one says,children don't really recover like people say >>>

Tori, really? You need to stop generalizing here. This statement is just another GROSS generalization. I have experience to back up the fact that it just is not true. IF children are provided a loving nurturing environment they recover. Some (like mine) actually say they are happier because their parents are happier.

~Shadowz
~Shadowz
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-19-2008
Thu, 04-23-2009 - 10:37am
in this case i don't believe it to be a gross generalization. i know from personal experience the acting out children can do from broken families. lets see i'll start with fights in school, skipping classes, fights with peers out side of school, grades slipping, drugs, alcohol, becoming sexually permiscuios(sp), pitting parents against one another, need i go on. this was more then one family. everyone here thinks, oh just divorce, that's the answer, it's not. i grew up in a house hold where both my unhappy parents stayed together for the children, i'm better off for it because i didn't come from a broken home. for 2 years my husband and i seperated, my son was one child who acted out. we where better off together for our child, he stopped acting out even though we are not happy. please rethink your views. i have no regrets keeping my son from a broken home. he's proud to tell people he is not one of those statistics.
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-06-2008
Thu, 04-23-2009 - 10:57am

>>>>>>>>>i know from personal experience the acting out children can do from broken families. lets see i'll start with fights in school, skipping classes, fights with peers out side of school, grades slipping, drugs, alcohol, becoming sexually permiscuios(sp),<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<


Tori, those are NOT always symptoms of being from a broken home.

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-19-2008
Thu, 04-23-2009 - 11:06am
just to add that these kids where all good kids until the divorces happened.they did nothing like what i mentioned. this acting out is to ease the pain of divorce. to make matters worse, one of the wives now wants to take the kids out of state, so the dad wont be able to his kids easily. it's tough for everyone involved, especially the kids. so tell me again you think divorce is better. it's not.
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-06-2007
Thu, 04-23-2009 - 11:08am

Let's see, I skipped school, let my grades slip (after I was voted most intellectual), experimented with drugs and alcohol,

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-19-2008
Thu, 04-23-2009 - 11:21am

the way i am personally has nothing to do with what my parents did or didn't do in their marriage as far as staying together to make me a weak person. it's a personality trait i have. it can be a good trait to in respect to how i deal with certain things. the reason being, i'm extremely passive, submissive. i think it's me a kinder person, and a non bully. i've been called extremely feminine because of my weakness.

as far as the parents of these kids. these are parents that i have known or my husband who we talk to on a regular basis. so in talking to them either myself or my husband have talked to them about how these kids where handling the divorces, and the parents told us what these kids where doing. actually 2 of them are my nephews. as adults now are very messed up. why because of their parents divorce.

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-19-2008
Thu, 04-23-2009 - 11:24am
to sum everything up one last time. in my own personal experience i've seen divorce as the cause. it's not a pretty sight.
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-05-2007
Thu, 04-23-2009 - 11:43am

The only thing I am going to say, Tori, is that it seems you might have misplaced blame.

You can still be a well-balanced person if you are from a "broken" home the same as you can act out if you are from a home in which parents stayed married.

You know, I firmly believe that it is all about parenting. You can be a good parent if you are divorced same as you can be a bad parent when you are married.

~Shadowz

ETA: Just got through the rest of the replies and it was pointed out to you that you claim to be weak and could it be because your parents stayed together. Your response to that was that the way you are personally has nothing to do with them. Doesn't that run in direct contradiction to the rest of your argument? You can't have it both ways, Tori.




Edited 4/23/2009 11:57 am ET by cl-intheshadowz
~Shadowz