D*mn this vortex!!!

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-11-2013
D*mn this vortex!!!
4
Fri, 10-11-2013 - 3:14pm

Yep...I got sucked in again. I had an A with this AP in the past and it ended pretty abruptly and it was rough on everyone involved. His SO and my SO know of the past A and both have moved on as a couple with our SO. However, we regained contact not too long ago and yet again we started an A but it was a slow progression unlike last time which was a jump right into it kind of deal. We have been mainly talking and getting to know each other as friends but we have met up a few times to see each other. Outside of a quick peck a week or two ago...nothing has happened other than texting/talking about being together/sending pics. Well, now I haven't heard from him in a week as of today and outside of weekends...we talk every day. So, now I am worried. He hasn't responded to my texts, pokes or PMs. I am pretty sure if his SO found out we were talking again she would have contacted me or my SO by now since she did so previously. I told him in the last text that regardless if he wants to stop things to let me know he is ok since I have many other scenarios running through my head but still nothing. I am friends with his ex-wife and she knows about the previous A but I am not sure if it would be ok to ask her if he is alright or not. They have little to no contact unless it has to do with their daughter. Something similar happened last time we had an A so I am wondering if it is happening again or if I am just being paranoid. Sigh! I just want to know if I am going to have an angry girl on my doorstep or if he is blowing me off or just unable to contact me at the moment. Any ideas?

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-11-2013
Sun, 10-13-2013 - 4:08pm

That is exactly it...last time I had a huge emotional attachment to him...so much that my SO thought that I was in love with him. I wasn't but I did have strong feelings for him which broke me. Since then, I have built a high, thick wall with him and while I do still "like" him...I am trying my hardest not to let that wall crack. Again, that is exactly it too...I have never found a lover that I have had such a compatibility with. We both agreed that he was my sex toy and nothing more. Which is fine with me but we have yet to actually sleep together this time around. There has only been a peck between us and even though we were in the middle of nowhere he was extremely nervous. His SO accuses him pretty much daily of an A even when he was behaving. We have actually had the convo that it sounds like she is the one having an A and pinning it to him. I mean last time she went as far as smelling his clothes and telling him he was having an A because his clothes smelled too good...given it was after being with me but even recently before we started anything this time she was accusing him because there were little girl clothes on the floor when he has a daughter that is that size. As for the emotional attachement thing...I was raised in the church and that sex comes only with emotions so I have a hard time separating the two. That was actually a question I thought about posting to this board...how do you keep sex and emotions separate with an A? I have been fairly successful at keeping my feelings in check this time around but I wonder if that is only because it isn't fully sexual at this point. I told AP that we would take things at whatever speed he wants to...we rushed into it last time. SO discovered a convo between us a while back and he said it sounds like he has feelings for me more than just wanting a bootycall. AP and I talk about being together all the time...have exchanged pics here and there...he tells me I am torturing him and he wants to be with me so badly but he is apparently terrified of getting caught. Hence, why nothing but a peck has happened. We talked about it one day and he asked me what is wrong with getting to know each other. Complete opposite of the way things happened last time so that confuses me...lol.

Avatar for xxxs
Community Leader
Registered: 01-25-2010
Sat, 10-12-2013 - 7:13pm

 The question is; why become emotionally dependent?  Wasting that depth of emotion on a person who is not ever going to be more than a roll in the hay.  That's all he will be.  Yes, finding a compatable lover is not always easy.  However, if you find a bed buddy or FWB that will tide you over.   

dragowoman

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-11-2013
Sat, 10-12-2013 - 5:42pm

So, it turns out his SO's parents own the house they were living in and put it up for sale so he moved and never bothered to tell me. However, her parents own the newer, bigger house they moved into also so I know where they are anyways. The point is WTF!? I don't hear from him in over a week which if they were moving I can understand but to fail to mention it to me or anything else?! I am such a fool. I fell for this SOB's tricks again. I will text him Monday but unless he has a heck of an explanation...I am done. I let him break my heart last time and I refuse to let him do it again. He is the only one I care to have an A with after last time so if it's over...I am done with A's unless someone pretty fartin amazing comes along. Sadly, anyone else will be compared to him in the bedroom and those are pretty hefty shoes to fill.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-11-2013
Sat, 10-12-2013 - 5:42pm

So, it turns out his SO's parents own the house they were living in and put it up for sale so he moved and never bothered to tell me. However, her parents own the newer, bigger house they moved into also so I know where they are anyways. The point is WTF!? I don't hear from him in over a week which if they were moving I can understand but to fail to mention it to me or anything else?! I am such a fool. I fell for this SOB's tricks again. I will text him Monday but unless he has a heck of an explanation...I am done. I let him break my heart last time and I refuse to let him do it again. He is the only one I care to have an A with after last time so if it's over...I am done with A's unless someone pretty fartin amazing comes along. Sadly, anyone else will be compared to him in the bedroom and those are pretty hefty shoes to fill.