Do I have a righ to feel this way?

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Do I have a righ to feel this way?
1
Wed, 11-05-2003 - 10:18am
I've been out on sick leave for the past 4 weeks. During my time away from work, I didn't communicate with MM. The time away from him felt good. I can't say that I really even gave him a second thought. I was enjoying my time away from work (I hate my job) and enjoying being a stay at home mom. There was no room in my thoughts for MM.

Now, that I'm back to work, and we are talking at least 3 times aday, I'm starting to feel all this anger, frustration, and resentment again.

Today is MMs' daughter's 10th birthday. I remember like it was yesterday, standing there in the hospital (she was born in the hospital where I work) watching MM, hold his new infant. I can't tell what disgust, and anger I felt at that moment. I felt like he had choosen to pursue a life with someone that was not deserving of his love. I felt second best. I've always had issues with his daughter from the second she was born. I've kinda always felt like I was competing with her for MM's attention, and affection.

Next issue, MM is having a surgical procedure done on tomorrow. The fact that his W is going to be there with him, and playing the role of a loving and devoted W, just kills me. It makes me so angry at MM. He promised me 4 years ago that he was leaving her, and he has not. I've gave up everything to have a life with this man. I NEVER ASKED him to leave his W, this is what he said he WANTED. But, instead of following through, he has come up with excuse, after excuse, after excuse.

I know most of you ask why do you stay? The short of it is, I would really like to be in another relationship before I end things with MM. I tell myself that I don't love him, but I must still have some feelings for him, or I wouldn't be feeling this way. It's kinda hard not to have feelings for someone you've been with for 16 or 17 years.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Wed, 11-05-2003 - 3:17pm
gosh secretluver, i don't know where to start!

you need to have a life of your own first. not another R "to go to" if you stop seeing MM. be happy within yourself first and you'll be open to giving and receiving love from others.

please don't resent that innocent child. it's her father you resent because he's made tons of promises to you and broken every one. it's called transference of anger. she didn't asked to be born into this world - her father (your MM) and mother brought her here. and he loves her as his child. not as a lover, which is what he has with you. there are many different kinds of "love."

face it, MM is NOT leaving his M. if you've given up everything to be with him and you've been on the hook for what, 16-17 years, girl, you need to let go of him and move on. again, you need to get your OWN life back on track. and not with him, because he's not present in the R with you. MM is floating around the outside of your life.

whatever your "feelings" for MM, the anger, resentment, disgust you feel is eroding your life and relationship.

ditch him NOW!

good luck,

gurl