do i really love my husband???

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-03-2003
do i really love my husband???
1
Thu, 09-04-2003 - 9:10am
HI---I recently moved back to my hometown. my husband and i have/had a great marriage---i feel so lucky to have such a wonderful man and we share 4 children. HOwever, i met up with my ex highschool sweetheart. next i found my self in his arms kissing him, talking about old times and we really connected like never before when we dated. A lot of what i thought were past feelings came out and i think i still love him. Even though he is not the man for me i can't help but think about him all the time and i can't avoid him he is a close family friend and a family employee so i see him all the time. I am so upset to think that i did this and never would have imagined that i would have ever let this happen. What is wrong??? DO I REALLY LOVE MY HUSBAND OR IS FATE TELLING ME THAT MY EX SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE MAN-----OR IS THIS JUST LUST???????? AND WHY DOES THIS MAN HAS THIS POWER AND CONTROL OVER MY MIND---I FEEL HORRIBLE I HAVE CHEATED ON MY HUSBAND----BUT MY FEELINGS ARE SOOOO STRONG FOR THIS OTHER MAN AND I CAN'T STOP!!! HELP ME!!!!
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Thu, 09-04-2003 - 10:00am
CJ,

Why does it have to be either/or? Why can't you love your H and still be attracted to OM? I couldn't say it sounds like love w/your OM, as I don't know how long your R w/him has been going on and there has been a break between when you saw him last and your R now. Sounds to me more like mutual attraction and history combined. Doesn't necessarily mean it's love, but even if it is... what do you want?

You can stop the R, if you want to. Right now, you just aren't motivated to. But before you go much further into the R, I would think long and hard about what you are risking and if it is worth it. Can you lose your H over this? Can you stand the thought of what it would do to yourself and your family if they found out? It seems to me, if OM is tied fairly closely to your family and business, the risk for being found out is higher than if he were in another town, another business and unknown to your family.

Sit back, relax, and think about what YOU really want and need. Don't dissect the feelings right now for each man. You already know you love your H. You already know you're attracted to OM, if nothing else. The next decision, is what do you want to do with all this?

good luck,

lily