Do I tell him?

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-16-2003
Do I tell him?
6
Wed, 03-31-2004 - 5:27pm
I have been looking around for an apartment for the couple of weeks. I know my om will be happy if I tell him that, in fact things have been rough between us over my decision to leave and all that. He wants me to leave asap, but doesn't push me into a decision or anything. He knows I should leave if I want to do so. However, I don't want to give him high hopes with my apartment search. I should be able to follow it all the way through, since I am so unsure about all this. What do you all think? Should I let him know? I don't want to lead him to something and dash his hopes if I don;t follow thru...

*sigh*

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-14-2004
Wed, 03-31-2004 - 9:48pm
I wouldn't mention it until you are ready to move. I would think that he may get his hopes up if you tell him you are looking. And it sounds to me like this is very preliminary for you. Like you aren't sure yet whether you can, or want to, move out. Your instincts are right on, I wouldn't tell him.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-04-2004
Wed, 03-31-2004 - 11:09pm
Juliet....

"See, how she leans her cheek upon her hand! O that I were a glove upon that hand, that I might touch that cheek!".

(sorry, I was a literature major, and Shakespeare my favorite.)

now, on to serious things.


about telling the OM of your search...

nope. don't. can't. shouldn't. will likely be sorry if you do.

A few months ago I told my OW I was moving out. I meant it. And she was very excited. It didn't happen as I planned. Hey, I signed a lease on Monday... it's Wednesday at midnight, I've moved exactly two boxes so far. This is not as fast a track as I expected, and I fear it's not going to get any quicker.

Save yourself the tension and keep your sanity; don't promise nobody nuthin' until you have it in your hand to give them.

My two cents.

rain

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-24-2003
Thu, 04-01-2004 - 7:12am
No. Don't tell him, and, most importantly, don't make any hasty decisions and don't leave unless you are 100% sure. Take as much time and give it as much thought as you need. That's better than rushing into something you are not ready for and having regrets sometime down the road.
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-16-2003
Thu, 04-01-2004 - 9:10am
Thank you guys for your input. I did think telling him was not the best way to go. Rain, thanks for the quote. Shakespeare is my fave too.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-24-2004
Thu, 04-01-2004 - 10:20am
I think you need to be honest with yourself first. It doesn't really sound like you are going to follow thru. And maybe that opinion is wrong. But I do believe that you know whether or not you are going to follow thru with something like that. Either you're doing it or you're not. You just get to a point where you know. If you are still that unsure, don't play with his emotions like that. Get the apt, then tell him.

Good luck

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-16-2003
Thu, 04-01-2004 - 10:37am
You are right Sujata. I should tell him before I am ready. I am thinking of telling him when I have moved in and settled. Thanks for the advice.