Do Only People In Bad Marraiges Enter As

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-28-2010
Do Only People In Bad Marraiges Enter As
9
Thu, 08-05-2010 - 4:39pm
Just curious about this. I mean most of us enter into As because our marriages are lacking something right? Can people that are happy in their marriages also have As? I mean my MM says he is happy/content in his marriage and if that is so why is he engaging in an EA with me?
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-29-2010
Thu, 08-05-2010 - 4:48pm

I read a study that said it's more common with men to enter an A when they are perfectly happy with their wives and their marriages, simply because they can. In other words, because an attractive woman has presented herself as interested, so they "can". Women are less apt to do so, but some of them can do it also.

This isn't every man or woman - just some - who could do so. But a larger percent of men than women are in that category.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 06-08-2010
Thu, 08-05-2010 - 4:49pm

I have a good marriage. My H is a loving, caring, kind, and hardworking man. But I am having an A. I don't think I'm in A because of my marriage, I am in it because of me. Somehow I got emotionally attached to my AP, then it became physical

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-06-2010
Fri, 08-06-2010 - 12:57am
here's my two cents: no. it doesn't take some one in a "bad" marriage to look elsewhere for sex and intimacy and the spark of passion/desire. it takes some one in a lacklustre marriage where sex, passion, desire have waned/died to find that charge elsewhere. for example, AP #1 is married to a beautiful well educated ex beauty queen. they have fun times together and are committed to raising their children, and having a big family in a huge house on the lake. what's the problem? sex. she is frigid and unadventurous, and he has a very high libido and is a FREAK. will he stay with her? of course, b/c he picked her to raise a family and build a life with. neither one wants to divorce and have their children live away from them. that is the sacrifice of marriage. he will change nothing at home, and he makes that very clear when searching for other "outlets". AP #2 married his best friend. they have a wonderful union together, 3 successful talented children, and are very engrained in the community and church. he will never divorce her. what's the problem? sex. she is not adventurous nor experienced. he likes giving and receiving oral alot (much to my enjoyment!). what's my problem? i also married my best friend. we have mismatched libidos, he has health issues, and i do not have the energy nor finances to re-arrange what i committed to, which is this family. it doesn't sound as if u r married. i used to wonder about AP#1s level of happiness and satisfaction, and the fact that had it was so good, but clearly neither one of us wanted at all to uproot our familes, children, etc... for the simple sake of selfish desires of the flesh. we all live in quiet desperation at times. these 3 examples show how and why. good luck, and hang in there as best as u can.
when one does not love too much, one does not love enough --blaise pascal
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-02-2010
Fri, 08-06-2010 - 2:50am

I think a lot of women are in their marriage just because of finances or they have nowhere to go & not because of their partner hence they end up having affairs because it is easier than leaving their marriage . Staying in a marriage for other reasons can never be right for anyone .
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-30-2010
Fri, 08-06-2010 - 10:01am

No I don't think only people in bad marriages enter affairs. Overall I think I have a great H & a good marriage

 


Much peace & Love,


Rayne


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iVillage Member
Registered: 04-28-2010
Fri, 08-06-2010 - 10:06am
Seems like the resounding issue from your post is sex or mismatched libidos. That is the case in my situation as well. Yes I am married. Thanks for your input.
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-02-2000
Fri, 08-06-2010 - 10:10am
I'm going to jump in here and address your response. When you say that you cannot end it no matter how much you want to, you are not describing a relationship. You're describing an addiction. If you really want to get out of the affair, you end it. Period. You're not being held hostage. There's no gun at your head (other than the one pointed towards your marriage that will eventually fire when there's a DDay). So when I hear folks saying they want to end it but can't, I say hogwash. You can....you just don't REALLY want to. You have no legal ties to this man. You don't have to hire lawyers, divide property, work out a custody arrangement, go through a hearing. You simply make the decision that you no longer wish to betray your husband and marriage and you walk away. It CAN be done, and you CAN do it. If you really want to. I'm not saying it's easy....I'm simply saying you can.
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-31-2010
Fri, 08-06-2010 - 12:30pm
I have to agree with bestplayer on this.
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-03-2010
Fri, 08-06-2010 - 4:19pm

AP and I are both in unhappy M's, but I can tell you what my therapist said about this very topic.

anotherseyes